What it's like

I recently read an illustrative story of what it's like to have an autistic child that I think really says it well. I'll try to put it in my own words...

Having an autistic child is like this: You're at an amusement park and you get in line to ride the carousel. It's a safe, predictable ride. You can see it ahead as the horses go around in a circle, some moving up and down as they go, and think 'I can do that'. But when you get to the front of the line you discover you are in the line for the roller coaster and you have no choice now but to get on. It's wild! It climbs up and you don't know what's after the top of each hill---will it be a curve, a steep drop, a gentle slope? It has crazy twists and turns and you can't see what's coming next. It's totally unpredictable. As you climb yet another hill, you look down at the people that riding the carousel, and they are looking up at you and saying 'Wow, I could never do that!'

As a fan of safe, predictable rides I found this very appropriate. You think you're prepared for parenthood, you see other parents and know to expect some learning curves as you go along. But then you realize that nothing about parenting this child is "normal". And if any rules about raising children have an exception, then your child is it. There are some things that are the same. All children bring love and joy, as well as pain and sorrow. They all need the love as well as the God-given authority of their parents. There are other similarities as well. But nothing is as you expected it to be when you 'signed up' to be a parent.

At the risk of creating a very long post, I want to include some excerpts from an article I read recently. It was written by a Christian man about a year ago titled "Cancer's Unexpected Blessings". I am not comparing cancer to autism. It is just good encouragement for anyone who is suffering in any way. I'll include a link at the bottom.

". . .we shouldn't spend too much time trying to answer the why questions: Why me? Why must people suffer? Why can't someone else get sick? We can't answer such things, and the questions themselves often are designed more to express our anguish than to solicit an answer."
". . . we can open our eyes and hearts. God relishes surprise. We want lives of simple, predictable ease—smooth, even trails as far as the eye can see—but God likes to go off-road. He provokes us with twists and turns. He places us in predicaments that seem to defy our endurance and comprehension—and yet don't. By his love and grace, we persevere. The challenges that make our hearts leap and stomachs churn invariably strengthen our faith and grant measures of wisdom and joy we would not experience otherwise."
"There's nothing wilder than a life of humble virtue—for it is through selflessness and service that God wrings from our bodies and spirits the most we ever could give, the most we ever could offer, and the most we ever could do."
"Through such trials, God bids us to choose: Do we believe, or do we not? Will we be bold enough to love, daring enough to serve, humble enough to submit, and strong enough to acknowledge our limitations? "
"What is man that Thou art mindful of him? We don't know much, but we know this: No matter where we are, no matter what we do, no matter how bleak or frightening our prospects, each and every one of us, each and every day, lies in the same safe and impregnable place—in the hollow of God's hand."


www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/july/25.30.html

Male-Female Communication

Men and women think differently. We all know that. Which often leads to miscommunication and frustration. Especially when a husband and wife are trying to reach a decision together.

When a woman presents her reasoning for a decision or opinion, it often goes over a man's head (or in one ear and out the other). It's like she's speaking a foreign language. This is because his logical-processing mind isn't working the same way as hers. What makes this so ironic, is that he often would reach the same conclusion, but by a different, male, pathway of thinking.

So, I have found a very simple solution. Learn to argue like a male. If you can think logically (and most women can), then simply offer the reasoning that a man would understand. His eyes will be opened and decisions are made more quickly and smoothly. It also helps if you can "get inside" that man's mind and understand his particular way of thinking and reasoning. Then your argument can even more closely resemble something that makes sense to him.

Sadly, this doesn't usually work the other way around. It is much more difficult for a man to understand how a woman thinks. There may be exceptions, of course.

One thing a man can do, however, is learn to listen to a woman's reasoning; and then to understand that it is something important to her, even though to him it may have no importance or perhaps not even any bearing on the case whatsoever. Again, he may not understand why it is important to her, but he learns what is important to her. And that is very valuable indeed. Warning: it is rare to find a man that is willing and able to do this!

But I am lucky. Or perhaps blessed is a better word.