Lifelong Student

Slow and steady wins the race

2012-02-08T15:53:00.000-06:00

That's what I told myself today. I find myself with more kid-free time (cue: applause), so I am attacking the house again. It's a little daunting. Perhaps I should say overwhelming! But getting started is the first step. I have a tentative plan in place. (All my plans are tentative, because in this house you have to be flexible!)

I think part of the problem last fall was that I could only do short projects; and even then, I would likely get interrupted at some point. Instead of 3.5 hours each day, I now have approximately 7 hours. This allows for errands, laundry, dishes, meals, and all that other normal stuff, PLUS the re-organization that this house desperately needs. For the first time that spring garbage---I mean, garage---sale actually looks do-able!

Today I reclaimed part of the living room and filled a large box with an assortment of toys, clothes, and books to sell. That may not sound like much, but I'm just getting started and "slow and steady...." ---you know.

I'm going to keep at this room until it's done, then go on to the kitchen, etc. I am organizing and cleaning as I go; using the four-box method right now. If you don't know what that is, I can explain some other time. I found a great website on home organization with articles about de-cluttering and home storage ideas. Once I reach the boys' rooms, I will need to do some assessments of available storage space and probably rearrange some things.

And, yes, I am still making it a priority to take good care of myself and my family. The house has always come in second to these. That is why it needs a major overhaul.

This is part of what I've done. Yes, the sofa is broken. It's going to go soon. Go to the dump, probably.

Hello,

2012-01-25T23:59:00.000-06:00

Courage. I did it again.

I usually am so afraid of doing the wrong thing that I do nothing, and so miss the opportunity to do good.

It may not have done any good, but I did what seemed right and good. And afterwards, I was glad.

Thank you

2012

2012-01-20T13:12:00.002-06:00

Yes, I know January is almost gone. But in case you haven't noticed, I don't blog every day so I'm just now getting some things posted. (Not that I don't want to blog more. I just don't have the time.)

I have been thinking about this year and what I want it to hold. I don't make resolutions, but try to create new patterns and habits.

This year I want to be especially sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit; and then courageous to do or be or say what He leads me to do and be and say. This (non)resolution has already led me to do a few things that I might have been scared to do a few years ago.

Courage.

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but He has given us a spirit of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control." 2Timothy 1:7(Amplified)

Diet changes

2012-01-19T14:55:00.000-06:00

I haven't talked about the SBP diet for several months, so I thought I'd let you know how things are going and where we are...

The diet made some difference in their behavior and progress, but not enough to offset the social isolation we started to feel. We were not being ostracized, but we were having to turn down invitations and avoid certain social activities in order to stay on track with the diet. There is already a certain amount of isolation felt by families with kids on the autism spectrum: embarrassment over meltdowns, kids not adjusting well to new situations/people, that feeling of different-ness from others...all leading to the feeling that it's just easier to avoid those situations.

So we will continue to stick to the diet at home, but we will go out to eat with people and go to parties, etc.

"There's no place like...grandma's house"

2012-01-19T14:52:00.002-06:00

If you come to my house you won't see perfect. But my family is more important than my house. And the inside of ME is more important than the inside of my house.

However, I probably won't invite many people to my house until I can get some major cleaning and organizing done.

I just don't know how to get my house to a clean state and keep it that way. I may not be able to do that right now. There are limits to my time and energy and the house is not always my top priority these days. It might bother me that the walls of every room have some artwork on them, but I will not stress about it. (At least, not all the time.)

Giving a little grace to myself. And if I come to your house, you won't hear me complaining about dust or a messy room.

Days 2, 3, 4, etc.

2011-10-17T13:06:00.002-05:00

I've made some progress on my house resolution, but it's been S-L-O-W! I haven't been working on it every day. Some days I have to run errands or do something else.

I spent two mornings going through NB's clothes; weeding out the too-small and searching for winter things in the right size. I thoroughly cleaned his room and vacuumed and cleaned the carpet.

Another day I went through my own clothes, but I made only a small dent. I need to go through PJ5's clothes. He will need some winter things, but he is being very picky about his shirts lately, so I better take him with me. That means a Saturday shopping trip. I also need to go through the toys, and that will be a multiple-day project.

On another (somewhat-related) topic, fall busy-ness is starting to show up in our schedules. The boys have fall break this week, which means two days off of school. This weekend is Faith Promise (extra time commitments) and a relative is coming into town to renew their vows on a special anniversary in the same chapel where they were married. Personally, I look forward to both events, but we'll see how the boys react to all these variants in their schedule.

We're not far away from our annual Ladies Retreat, and I'm really looking forward to that!

I could say more, but lunch-time is over and duties call!

Day One

2011-09-19T08:30:00.001-05:00

I did okay. Not spectacular, but good.

I worked in the kitchen and the laundry area. I mopped. And mopped. I cleaned counters and did dishes. I cleared off the table of unnecessary items (which chore has to be done regularly at our house). I know that doesn't sound like much, but it took some time.

I realized that some household tasks (namely, mopping) are an aerobic exercise when done for a long stretch, so I had to stop once-in-a-while to catch my breath and get a drink or snack. I was burning calories, you see.

The next day I took a nap in the morning, because I had been up in the middle of the night for at least an hour with a fussy, but not sick, kid. I think he had a bad dream. If I don't get enough sleep I drag the rest of the day; it affects my patience level; and it can cause flare-ups of IBS. So, I do take a nap when I really need one. My husband understands and encourages this. He is pretty awesome.

Today I need to spend some extra time preparing for Bible Study tomorrow night, so we'll see if anything else gets done this morning.

Fall cleaning

2011-09-16T16:11:00.001-05:00

I've heard of "spring cleaning", but not fall cleaning, so maybe I just made that up. I've heard of fall pruning, and I'm going to do some of that, too. And I'm going to blog about it. Exciting, eh?

I'm blogging about it because I want to use this to hold myself accountable to my plans/goals. I will report my progress and maybe even post pictures..."after" pictures, only. Either it will help me remember later that I can do it, or else it will make me realize that I can do better.

My house is in a sad state, owing to a very hectic summer. Add up a new diet that takes lots of cooking time, two messy boys at home pretty much all day, and excessive heat that makes it impossible to go outside for long and saps my energy. That was my summer. I am too embarrassed to have anyone in my house right now. I am determined to do something about it now that the boys are in school again. NB is not going full-time yet, so that gives me approx. 3 hours with an empty house each morning. The first half hour is set aside for personal devotions, and then some days I have to run errands that would be difficult with the boys. But that still gives me some good time to tackle this project. MAJOR house cleaning.

The fall pruning I am going to do involves the boys' and my closets, the toy shelves and bins, and book shelves. We are still in a small house, so it's time to simplify things and get rid of stuff that is outgrown or not used. PJ is going to work on the garage where we have put boxes of clothing to either give away or keep. The problem there is that the boys were out there in the spring and scattered everything all over, so it all needs to be re-sorted and marked clearly. (We have a lock in place now to keep them from going out there without our knowledge.)

So, I will update here about how it's going and my non-readers can hold me accountable. Hmm...

Spiritual Training

2011-08-30T07:37:00.003-05:00

Every night, I (or my husband) prays aloud with PJ5 before bed. He sometimes ignores, sometimes listens, and on rare occasions says "amen" after we finish. I also pray aloud for him when he gets hurt and is very upset (overreacts), asking Jesus to help him feel better. Sometimes I pray aloud when he's crying and I don't know why he is upset. It's a comfort to me, if not to him.

Last week, he got hurt. I don't remember how, and it wasn't very bad, but he went and laid on his bed and cried (as usual). I went in and was trying to comfort him and calm him. In the middle of his crying he blurted out "Jesus". I said, "Do you want to pray and ask Jesus to help you feel better?--Okay" (fyi--I often answer my own questions with only a short pause because he never answers.) So I began my short prayer and this is what happened.

Me: Dear Jesus,-
him: Jesus!
Me: help Paul John to feel better-
him: better!
Me: in Jesus' name-
him: Amen!
Me: Amen.

He interjected those words without me pausing, which I didn't do because he never responds. And he said amen before I did, but he knew it was coming because I always end my prayers "In Jesus' name, Amen." He also kind of blurted out each word, because he was still crying and sniffling. He did seem to calm down better after that, but I was a little in shock and went to find my husband and see if he was near enough to have heard.

I don't know if that counts as his first prayer or not, but I'm still glad it happened, and finally feel like some of the training he gets at home and church is actually sinking in.

(explanation: In case someone is reading this that doesn't know our situation, PJ5 is 7 years old, with autism, and very little language skills, though he has made some good progress in the last year.)

Random thoughts

2011-08-01T13:34:00.007-05:00

I realized that there are 9 mess-er-up-ers in the house and only 2 clean-er-up-ers. I also realized that I now clean up after 7 poopers!

When I get tired and cranky, I get sarcastic. Not pretty.

After today's trip to the store, I think I'll go back to staying at home and letting the boys play and watch Veggietales. Then I'll do my shopping in the evening by myself.

I really wish the "Cheeseburger Song" had never been written. Paul John sings it every time I fix him a hamburger...which is about once a day.

I really would like to set a record for the coolest August. Just once. And then maybe the warmest February.

I don't like talking to strangers, so I'm a little proud of myself for talking to some this weekend.

Holiday

2011-07-05T10:42:00.004-05:00

Every year we go to a cookout with family and friends on the Fourth of July. We had to decide how to handle it since the boys are on this special diet. There would be lots of chips, soda/pop, and sweets---all of which the boys can't have on this diet, and all of which they LOVE.

We discussed several options beforehand, ranging from "not going at all" to "letting the diet go" for one evening. We ended up deciding to fill the boys up with food really well and then arrive about the time that people would be finished eating and just hanging out. We miscalculated the time and the boys got there right about the time the food was set out for people to eat.

Fortunately, it had rained and cooled just a bit, which allowed us to keep them playing outside most of the evening. And they were full from chicken and sweet potato fries. But we still had to run intervention: meaning, running to take away the can of pop from NB, running to take away the cupcake from PJ5, running to take away the chips from both of them. Lots of running. I also let them eat things from the "moderation" list, which meant that PJ5 ate quite a bit of watermelon.

Despite our running, they got little bits here and there. So, today I am watching for signs of regression or struggles in areas that have improved lately.

(Oh, and I didn't get to see any live fireworks. Only a few illegally set off in the neighborhood. Not because of the diet, but because the boys were muddy and needed a bath, and hubby didn't want to stay up late then get up early for work. In his defense, he told me I could go and he would stay home with the boys, but I didn't really want to go by myself)

Knowing

2011-06-27T11:16:00.002-05:00

I was thinking: wouldn't it be cool if we could tell someone was a Christian just by looking at them? For instance, maybe every God-follower could dye their hair blue. Or every disciple of Christ should have "disciple of Christ" tattooed on their right forearm. Hmm....

Or maybe, every true Christian should have a face that reflects peace and joy, and their actions should show patience and kindness.

"they will know we are Christians by our love"

Do people know? Do we look different? Do we act different? I have heard some people say the people in the grocery store were kinder than the ones they met at church. What has happened to us?

If you feel convicted by this, I do not apologize.
If you have been mistreated by someone who claims to be a Christian, I do apologize.

We are not perfect, but there is One who is perfect and His love extends to everyone. We are supposed to reflect His love and grace to others and sometimes we fail. He never fails.

Isn't it terrible---awful---condemning---that we should have to say to someone, "Look at Christ, not at Christians."

These days

2011-06-25T14:23:00.004-05:00

I wrote this a couple weeks ago and forgot to post it

We said we would do this diet at least four weeks, or for the whole summer if it seems to be helping. We are at three-and-a-half weeks now. PJ5 has shown a lot of improvement in behavior and vocabulary. He is responding to verbal directions much better. He also started drawing a LOT, which he did when he was little but then quit. NB is counting, and spelling words he's learned from a game. PJ5 got on a fruit kick for a few days there and I could tell the sugar was a little too much. I finally found a version of chicken nuggets they both love....However, it's a little time-consuming and messy.

Actually, this diet is somewhat time-consuming all-around. I've been trying to eat my meals before or after the boys, because making theirs usually takes awhile and they eat every crumb that I make! And in spite of the stash of frozen bean burritos (for protein) in the freezer, and carb-snacks locked in my bathroom, I have lost about 5 pounds. If you know me, you know I don't need to lose five pounds. I had just gained that weight and now it's gone again. I just don't always have time to eat every time I'm hungry. And I try to save for the boys the foods they really like. And I am just so busy!!

One reason I am so busy is that for the past two weeks I've been doing almost all the house chores, etc. on my own. Hubby has a big deadline at work and has put in many, many hours the last two weeks, so I have a lot less help from him than usual. He's even had to work the last few Saturdays, which is rare. So, on top of doing all this cooking I am trying to keep up with dishes, laundry, clean-up, shopping, etc. on my own. I keep telling myself this is only temporary.

I wonder: Do all mothers feel like they are trying to do the work of more than one person?

I don't know whether to laugh or cry when I think about the burnout he has at work and the burnout I have at home.

Two weeks and counting

2011-06-13T20:15:00.002-05:00

Well, we've been on this diet for two weeks now. I really expected NB to accept this diet better and PJ5 to be the picky one, but it has been the complete opposite.

I definitely see some improvement in PJ5. He is "tuning in" better and making better eye contact, trying new foods, and calming down somewhat quicker. He's also using more words and phrases.

NB has had a harder time on this diet, not wanting to try things and refusing to eat what I put in front of him. I've let him have a few Phase 2 foods, because I was worried about him getting enough. That could be why I haven't seen as much difference in him. He's eating a little better the last couple of days, so maybe we'll see some improvement, both in eating habits and in behavior. He actually ate a mini-hamburger I had in the fridge today. That's the first meat he's had in about five days. He is getting protein from eggs everyday.

Hubby and I have "mostly" followed the diet, except on date nights. He was sick this last weekend with bad sinus problems, so I got him some bread, diet 7-Up, etc. so that he could eat things that agreed with him. We had to hide it in our bathroom.

We really need to find a lock for our fridge so that the boys don't get into the eggs and break them. And so we can control how much fruit PJ5 eats. He may have gone a little fruit-crazy last week. We've gone through all the child-proof locks for appliances and the boys figured them out some time ago. If we could just figure out a way to get a padlock on there. (And I'm only half-joking.)

I also may look for some special shoes for the extended time I spend standing in front of the stove. Or maybe a special rug...

I need a chicken

2011-06-02T09:08:00.006-05:00

Yesterday we went through 16 eggs!!

At least two were thrown away because PJ5 broke them into a dirty bowl. Four went into a recipe for pumpkin pancakes which both boys really liked (but was a little time-consuming to make). But I think all the others were scrambled or fried, and all but two were consumed. Wow.

The first day I chopped up chicken breasts and fried them directly in olive oil and salt. I served them with honey for dipping and both boys ate them. I did the same thing yesterday and neither one wanted it. Go figure.

It's been interesting to see the boys different reactions. The first day, both boys ate fairly well although PJ5 was searching the cupboards most of the afternoon for more familiar foods. The second day, PJ5 continued eating a LOT, mainly eggs and fruit; while NB ate only a little and drank alot.

There is a yahoo group made of people who are, or have been, on this diet. It includes helpful tips and some recipes--yay! That is where I found the pumpkin pancake recipe. It's nice because you can use canned pumpkin. It's time-consuming because you have to make the pancakes very small or they fall apart when you try to flip them over. Several recipes require a food processor and I'm not sure I have one. (If I do, I didn't use it much and so would have put it out of the way.) They also share how their kids have responded during different phases of the diet.

I feel like I've spent tons of time in the kitchen the last two days. I need to figure out a way to cook ahead, but I'm still trying to figure out what the boys will eat well. I think I may cook several hamburgers and put them in the fridge or freezer for myself, so I can get some quick protein and keep going.

Maybe I need a cook, rather than a chicken.

First Day

2011-05-31T09:49:00.007-05:00

Summer is upon us. This is the first day that the boys don't have school and their daddy isn't home. The weekend has been full of away-from-home activities, so today they may get restless. I have some activities in mind, both at home and away, but nothing specific planned.

Today begins a new diet for the boys. (And us, since it will be easier to just have the whole family do it.) It involves a list of foods that are "Best Choices" to be strictly followed the first 4-6 weeks; a list of foods to "Eat in Moderation" that can be added in the second phase of the diet, and a list of foods to "Completely Avoid". It's not necessary to follow this diet for a lifetime, but until the body achieves a right balance of certain minerals---usually about 4-6 months. The main mineral being targeted is manganese, which is very high in processed foods and soy-based products and when too much is consumed can cause symptoms very like autism. The research was done by a naturopathic doctor in Colorado and there is a 20-some page article about it available via her website. It costs nothing to download her diet protocol, and no special foods to buy.

For us, the hardest parts will be: no grains, and no peanut butter. That eliminates two of the boys' main staples: P.B. sandwiches and chicken nuggets. You can have any meat but pork on this diet, so if I can just get them to eat non-breaded chicken! I've tried a couple ways with them but no success so far.

There's also no sugar or artificial sweeteners allowed; only honey and stevia (in the first phase). But I've already been working on eliminating that lately. Only certain fruits and vegetables are allowed. A few examples that will affect us, because of what we like: NO white potatoes allowed, but sweet potatoes are good; NO corn or beans; NO apples or apple juice(until the second phase), bananas, watermelon, grapes, or berries of any kind. But I've already found some substitues that the boys like that are on the "good list": canteloupe, plums, cherries, and cherry juice. There are more on the list, but these I have found that the boys already like.

I've been slowly moving towards this diet, but waited until school and packed lunches was over before going full-throttle. We've already found out that PJ5 likes eggs (a "Best Choice" food) really well: boiled or scrambled (if I keep it in a "pancake" form instead of piled up). So that will be a good protien replacement until I find a meat that he will eat without breading on it.

The hardest part for me, besides the bread, is no milk. Almond milk is allowed in the second phase, as well as yogurt, sour cream, and certain cheeses. I'm going to keep yogurt in the house for myself because the boys don't like it. But NO MILK? NO CHEESE??

PJ already said that on our dates we'll probably be hitting up places like Panera Bread, Ted's, Olive Garden, etc. where we'll eat lots of grains and cheese! :)

I'm also hoping to work on potty-training this summer. Over-ambitious?

-------------------------------------------------

Website for diet, if you want to see it:
http://www.noharmfoundation.org/

It's almost over

2011-03-18T15:30:00.003-05:00

The week got a little crazier as we went. Wednesday night I was wiped out. I got a nice break the next night, however, going on a date with my hubby. Today I'm trying to finish up preparations for a party tonight.

I didn't realize how much difference it makes to have a couple hours each day with no kids at home. The house looks pretty terrible today. Thankfully the aforementioned party is not at my house.

I think PJ5 said something about school yesterday. I believe he misses it.

I've got to get the cat "fixed" soon. She kept escaping this week whenever the boys would go in or out the back door.

I have enjoyed spending more time with the boys, and going with them on some adventures this week. I will enjoy a little peace and quiet on Monday morning.

Change of plans

2011-03-15T07:48:00.002-05:00

Well, the trip to the mountains fell through the cracks, so to speak. The other two families are experiencing enough sickness that the prospect of being outdoors (in the wind) all that time was not appealing. So instead, we are going to eat lunch together today. Later I am going to pick up the teenager-helpers I mentioned and take the boys to a big park to play. It doesn't bother me at all.

Changing plans doesn't bother me as much as it used to several years ago. Having kids, and especially kids with special needs, has made me very flexible. And that's a very good thing, believe me. Like having to change an article of clothing because a diaper leaks onto it (which I just did). Like trying to potty-train a six-year-old only to discover that he doesn't have the necessary bodily awareness/control yet. Like going to a graduation or wedding ceremony knowing that we may have to take turns taking the kids out, so that neither one of us will actually get to see the whole thing. And with the option of one of us taking the kids home while the other one stays for the reception. Yep, we are flexible

But I so much like having a plan in place, even if I'm prepared with an option B or C. One of the areas I've always struggled with in my relationship with God is in waiting for Him to reveal His plan. I know He has a plan. But I want to see it all laid out; not this one-step-at-a-time thing that requires so much faith. So what often happens is I have my plan in mind, and then God comes along and works something different and changes my plan.

I know it would be better if I waited on Him in the first place, and sometimes I do. But sometimes I don't. And sometimes it's hard to let go of those plans you made. I mean, you even have an option B, right? But God comes in with something copmletely different. The beauty, though, is that He always gives the grace and strength to help you through the plan He has laid out. Even if all you see is the one step ahead of you that has to be done first.

Spring Break

2011-03-14T12:41:00.002-05:00

...is not a break for moms!

I can't let everyone sleep in (though I would like too, since we lost an hour this weekend) because then our schedules would get really off, and next week would be horrible.

Today, we are staying at home and just chilling. Mainly because it's cool and rainy outside, so our choices are limited. I'm hoping to get some laundry done, finish preparing for Bible Study tomorrow night, and keep us all from going stir-crazy.

Tomorrow, we are venturing to the mountains (that are really just hills) with two other moms and their kids. Three moms and eight kids....yes. I'm planning to take along a teenage helper or two, to help keep track of my boys, so we don't have a repeat of what happened in CO last year. Then I have to be back in town and ready to lead Bible Study in the evening.

The next day we are going to the local zoo, meeting up with my folks and my sister and her kids. I don't have definite plans for the rest of the week, but it's supposed to be nice, so we'll probably be visiting parks, playing in the back yard, etc.

Somewhere in there I need to finish plans for a party that takes place in five days!

No, I don't think this will be a relaxing week.

Good morning

2010-11-10T15:47:00.004-06:00

I was just thinking the other day of how thankful I am that one of my boys is a morning person. Sounds crazy, right? No, I am not a morning person myself. But the fact that my 4-year-old starts the day with a smile and lots of energy actually makes my mornings a little easier. It puts a smile on my face when he walks, or sometimes runs, into the kitchen (dragging his blanket) and tries to see what I'm fixing or pulls me over to sit on the sofa with him. I love hearing his cheerful voice in the mornings, even if I can't recognize any words in the babble.

No, I don't like waking at 6 in the morning and forcing myself out of bed to fix breakfast and make lunches. But having someone in the house who greets the day with joy certainly sweetens my own day.

End of October

2010-10-29T14:04:00.004-05:00

Wow. Life happens and time passes so quickly. I can't believe November is almost here.

We are getting close to the holiday season, so I expect our schedule to be full soon.

The boys are both doing well in school so far. PJ5 finally has a permanent teacher for his class, so he'll have some new things to get used to over the next few weeks. We got to meet her last night, and I really like her. (Hopefully, he will too!)

Four days until election. I can't wait to see what happens! Really, I think it's exciting that the people of this country have the opportunity to change the course of events in government. It is both a privilege and a responsibility. I wish more people saw it that way.

Some friends of ours are holding a black kitten for me. It's old enough for me to take it now, but I keep hesitating to go get it. I'm gone from the house often enough that I'm afraid it might get lonely. There's a second kitten that hasn't been taken by anyone yet, but hubby says "Only one cat!" Maybe I'm hesitating because deep down I don't want to get attached and then lose another pet. Hmm.

"Do you love me?"

2010-07-27T12:37:00.002-05:00

"Then obey me."

That's pretty much what I just told PJ5. We are really struggling with him right now. Literally and figuratively. I'm so tired of fighting him.

The problem

2010-07-24T10:14:00.002-05:00

Alright, here's the problem. I can carve out a few minutes here and there to blog. And I want to. But I find myself talking so much about autism, and I didn't intend for this blog to be about autism. And I find myself letting out frustration and complaints here, but I don't want this to a be a negative place.

I can't decide what to do. I've thought about changing the name of the blog and making it more about autism. Since autism is my life right now. Or I can just keep things as they are and try to make sure I balance every negative post with something else that's positive. What do you think? (all 5 of you readers, that is)

This reminds me of something that's been going through my head. When I was little my mom used to play/sing to me an old song---"First you say you do, and then you don't" Another phrase from the song is "you're undecided now--so what are you gonna do?" It's a peppy song, and was a friendly poke at my indecisiveness. I've been thinking about that song alot lately because it seems I am as indecisive as I ever was. *sigh*

Soon

2010-06-23T12:29:00.001-05:00

I am going to start blogging again. Sometime. Probably not today, though. But soon.

Sleep deprivation

2010-03-29T07:26:00.004-05:00

Oh. My. Word.
I don't know what to do!
Usually, I don't like to be a complainer all the time here. But I just need to grouch. I can be honest here, right?

We need sleep help!

Let's use last night as an example. We put the boys to bed at 8:30 (a little late for NB because of church). And at 9:30 when we were in bed, I could still hear both of them awake. NB, especially, prefers not to go to sleep, so he really works to keep himself awake sometimes---making noise, pulling out toys, trying to open his door, etc. Alright, so I fall asleep a little after ten, I think. As far as I know the boys were asleep then. At 4:30, I am woken up by one of them yelling, I think it's NB but I'm not sure. I do my best to go back to sleep after ascertaining that it's not a yell of pain or fright. I wake up again at 5:30, hearing the front door close, then hearing PJ5 open his door. I know the front door must be PJ leaving, although this is an hour before he usually leaves. (I haven't checked with him, but he probably left early just because he was awake and didn't want to try to sleep for 45 minutes.....he's done that before.) I get up, since I hear PJ5 opening his door and making noise. Finding PJ5 in the kitchen, I tell him it's not time to get up and it's still bedtime. I escort him to his room, turn on his bedtime CD, and close the door. He doesn't protest, so I count my blessings and go back to bed. My alarm goes off at 6:30. I groggily go through my morning routine, then wake up NB at 7:00 to get him fed and ready for the bus, which arrives at 7:20 (approx.). PJ5 comes out of his room when he hears the bus pull up and acts like he wants to go out the door. I tell him this is his brother's turn to get on the bus and he will get on later, while trying to get NB out the door and PJ5 to stay in. I'm afraid that PJ5 will get really tired later and fall asleep this afternoon, which will make it harder for him to go to sleep at bedtime.

In explanation, usually PJ5 sleeps in 'til at least 8 or 8:30. And I don't mind if he wakes up when I'm up and getting NB ready. Actually, it's probably good, because he will need to get up that early this fall.

No, it's the early, early wakings that need to stop. And it's not always PJ5 that wakes in the middle of the night. Over the last week, the two boys have alternated waking us in the middle of the night....at least 5 nights out of 7. Hubby and I are both tired alot. Last Friday someone at work asked him if he had been staying up late because he was so tired. I keep having to take out my contacts and wear my glasses because my eyes are tired and irritated. Sometimes, when PJ5 wakes up in the middle of the night, he will stay up for an hour or more, then go back to sleep and sleep-in late. When NB wakes up, he also takes a long time to go back to sleep, then it's hard to get him up in the morning for school.

It's not unusual for people with autism to have sleep issues. Some parents say their kids just don't need as much sleep as others. But I don't buy into that. How can someone function on too little sleep? Some parents of young adults with autism, make their schedules fit their child's sleeping habits, but you can't do that when your kids are school age and have to keep some kind of schedule.

Some parents give their kids melatonin to help, but I'm not sure how much to give for kids this small. I tried it once. It's also hard to disguise "medicine" with PJ5. If you put it in a drink he can tell. The best ways I've discovered for him are peanut butter or applesauce. But there's no guarantee that he will want one of those right before bedtime. I guess I'll try it again and see if it helps. NB fights sleep so hard that last night I said to hubby, "maybe I need to train him to calm down and relax and fall asleep". He's always gone to sleep on his own since he was around a year old. I don't want to make him dependent on me for getting to sleep, but I also want him (and me) to sleep!

This is the main reason that we don't make the boys share a room. They rarely both wake up on the same night, and we don't want them to start waking each other up. This summer we will be going on a vacation, and for a week or more all four of us will share a room at night. I'm trying to figure out how to make it work. If one boy wakes up, should one parent take them out of the room so the other doesn't wake? Then how will the awake child get back to sleep? Never mind, I haven't had enough sleep to try to figure that out right now. We shared a hotel room a couple of months ago and it took a long time to get everyone settled down to sleep, especially NB. Then in the morning, PJ5 woke up early (6-ish, I think) and I tried to keep him from waking up NB, but only succeeded for about 30 minutes. We were all tired the next day. I can't see that happening for a full week.

This also does not help my insomnia problems, but I'm not going into that right now. Another time.

Moving?....or Not

2010-03-24T09:50:00.003-05:00

I knew it would be awhile before I got back to my list....

I'm probably not going to say as much about moving. Because now I'm not sure it's going to happen. We are wanting some more space (more than the 1100 sqft. we have) and thought this would be the year we look for our next house. But, finances don't look perfect for that right now. Experts are saying that rates will be going up by the end of the year, and it would be nice to take advantage of the low rates plus the current homebuyer "kick-back" that's available. We're going into aggressive "save" mode and we'll see how our nest-egg looks this summer. We're trying to keep the house we have and rent it out.

We aren't planning to move far, and actually would like to stay in our current school district. We just need some more living space, an extra bedroom, a larger dining room, and a bigger kitchen. Not much, huh? At this time, it's better for the boys to have separate rooms, so

We've thought about adding on to this house, but I can't figure out how to get what we want with the layout/floor-plan we have.

Only time will tell if a change-of-address lies in our near future.

Five going on six

2010-03-09T09:26:00.002-06:00

That has nothing to do with the number of children we have. That is the age of my oldest child, PJ5. There has been a lot going on with him recently. (Some of which some of you will already know.)

About a month ago, his teacher called to talk about him. Essentially, he was having a behavior problem that was preventing him from making much, if any, progress at school. I call it "flopping". He makes this short yelp/scream, then falls over onto the floor or wherever he is sitting. If you tried to make him get up he resists and may do the behavior again. If you leave him alone he usually gets over it quickly and goes on. The teacher said he was doing this alot at school and wondered if we were seeing the same behavior at home. We did, and I couldn't figure out any pattern to why he did it. It happened at very random times. At home, in the car, you name it. If I couldn't ignore it (say it happened walking down a hallway or in a parking lot) I simply took him step-by-step past it----"stand up" repeat 'til he does, "take my hand" repeat 'til he does, "walk with me" repeat 'til he does...you get the picture. Usually when children with autism have a "problem behavior" you become a detective and figure out the precedent and antecedent to the behavior. Which tells you why the child is doing this and what he/she gets out of the behavior---e.g. escape, avoidance, a treat, attention, etc. But this behavior had me completely stumped.

Evidently, it has his teachers stumped, too. They have tried several different ways to deal with it, approaching it in many different ways, and changing their assumptions about why he was having these "tantrums". But they haven't figured it out either. They won't (or can't---he's pretty big) force him to do things, so this has prevented the teacher from doing one-on-one teaching with him. He won't cooperate. They also had to quit taking him to the "regular" kindergarten classroom, because he would flop in there and once accidentally kicked another child. (He had been going to the regular-ed class with an aide for twenty+ minutes per day.)
Another problem they have is that he simply won't engage with them. He's in his own world and won't come out. That also prevents him from making any learning progress.

Of course, this made me depressed for awhile, then I decided on a course of action. It included reducing his sugar and wheat intake, giving him probiotics again, and dedicating my mornings (while NB is at school and PJ5 at home with me) to working on one-on-one engagement. I do this (engagement) some, but probably not as much as I should. It's hard on me emotionally. I'm not sure how to explain, but imagine you talk to and interact with a child, but they don't look at you or respond much. But you keep doing it. Then imagine that is your son who won't respond to you. Then imagine doing that for a solid hour. Then imagine going through that hour every day. Then imagine the feeling that you may do this forever and still not get much response from your child. I do work on engagement with him everyday, just in small doses throughout the day. That's easier to handle. I decided to start this course of action the following Monday (it being a Thursday that I received the call). But that did not happen.

On the following Monday I was taking him to the doctor with a nasty place on his face (insect bite? rash?) and a low-grade fever. It turned out to be a staph infection and he stayed home from school the whole week. And I had no thought of doing any of the things I had planned. Instead I was forcing antibiotics down him twice a day (and it was a wrestling, crying, screaming thing that could last as long as ten minutes), and cleaning and medicating his sore four times a day. In between, he was lethargic, slept more, and ate little. The only time he screamed was when I gave him medicine or messed with his sore.

The next Monday he was healed enough to be able to return to school. He had started telling himself "no sc-eaming" after I gave him his medicine. I broke down after about 8 days of giving him medicine. I just couldn't do it anymore---looking into his eyes, sometimes filled with fear, sometimes anger, hearing his cries and screams (he was actually saying words like no, stop, and mommy). Fortunately for me, he developed a rash after 8 days of antibiotics and we were told to stop them. Unfortunately, I had to force Benadryl down him for a couple days. On a side note, the doctor doesn't think he is allergic to that antibiotic, but was reacting to something else since the rash came a week after starting the medicine. !!! I think his body had finally had enough of that antibiotic and reacted to it. I am allergic to what he was taking, and he is already allergic to another antibiotic. But, what do I know!?

By the end of this time-period his tantrums had drastically reduced, and he was seeking our company much more than before. He seemed to have more social awareness and was more affectionate and engaged. (not 100% by any means, but improved) After he had been back in school for 7 days I called his teacher to see what they were seeing from him there. She also reported less tantrums, but said he still wasn't engaging with them. And so it stands. I really have no explanation for why his behavior changed while he was sick. A lot of scientists are beginning to see a connection between autism and the immune system, some even categorizing it as autoimmune-related. I have heard a parent's explanation that it's like their immune system is in overdrive all the time and finally has something real to deal with when they're sick.

Well, now for the future. He is going to be in 1st grade in the fall and school will be all-day. That's going to mean a schedule adjustment, and I'm not waiting until then to start. Mornings are not his best time, and he likes to sleep in. We're also pondering whether to take him out of the public school system. (don't tell them that yet) We've always planned to take him out someday, but thought it would be another year or two down the road. BUT, if he's not making progress and they are not able to help him past this roadblock (for lack of a better word) then what benefit is he gettting by going there? Don't get me wrong. I love his school and his teachers and therapists and they have helped him a lot, and they are doing their best and trying (and really want) to help him now. But maybe he has reached the point where he needs something different.

We're going to give it some time (finish the school year at least), and then decide. Then what? Well, that's what I'll be looking at while we let the school do their best. Home-school or Christian school? There's alot I could say on that, but maybe another post. Neither option is cheap. I haven't found any Christian school in the area that actually advertises a "special needs" program. That doesn't mean they don't have someone that might be qualified/willing to help someone like PJ5 in their school. Just that they aren't saying it on their website. If homeschool, then we'll have to really work to make the social opportunities happen, because he needs that.

Also, we are thinking about some changes in the home therapies we are doing. Still in the thinking/praying/exploring stage on this so I won't say more right now. From the beginning we knew we would need to do more for him than what the school provides. There are several options but you have to choose one or two at a time. They all take resources---time, energy, money. And you can't do one for a month and then decide if it's working. You have to allow months of time to pass to see if they are getting any benefit.

As always, we appreciate your prayers for us. Right now, pray that our next steps will be clear to us, and that doors would open or close as He reveals His will for PJ5 and our family.

much to say

2010-03-04T14:09:00.006-06:00

There's so much I want to talk about here, but don't have time for it all. So I'll just mention each one and do more detailed posts later.
PJ5's behavior/school/health
Earthquakes, etc.
Thoughts on moving
My health

I've been working on making some kind of picture cards for the boys (especially PJ5) that can be used for making choices, following a schedule, and as cue/reminder cards. I printed some out today and used four cards to help PJ5 through the steps of getting dressed. Currently, he stays in bed (or at the least in his bedroom) until I go in his room and "get him up"---helping him get dressed, etc. This morning he looked at the cards I brought and wanted to play with them, but I just showed him each card before doing that step. I left him for a little bit, and when I returned he was still in bed, albeit dressed! I showed him a 'get up' card and "helped" him sit on the edge of his bed. Then I asked him what he wanted to eat for breakfast and showed him a "waffle" card and a "peanut butter sandwich" card. His face lit up and he chose the pb-sandwich card, and I led him to the kitchen and made what he wanted. Later, after dropping off NB at MDO, I showed him two cards, one with the Wendy's logo and one with the McD's logo. (It's become a habit to take him to one of those places and pick up chicken for his lunch on the days I take NB to mother's day out.) He was very excited to see the cards and tried to say the names after me. That's the first time I've ever heard him attempt to say "wendy's" or "mcdonald's"! I told him to choose the one he wanted and he picked the McD's card and held it until we got to the drive-thru and then I took it back. So far I like the results of this experiment. Now I just need to figure out a way to make the "cards" (which are really just small pieces of paper) more sturdy without buying a laminating machine.

Cabin Fever (and other things)

2010-02-05T11:31:00.002-06:00

Here are some funny things that happened during the week that our area was covered with ice and snow. Which also coincided with the week that I had no internet--yuck!

I found pepper in the peanut butter jar---lots of it.

I found the boys fighting over a bag of Christmas M&Ms, that I thought was hidden.

I found a bowl full of cream-of-wheat powder heating in the microwave.

I found a bowl of Nutella mixed with cream-of-wheat powder.

I found a ball point pen in the freezer.

My husband went a full day at work, not noticing that his shirt was inside out. (he says he hardly took his coat off that day, thank goodness)

I went to the store and helped the cashier figure out how much to charge the woman in front of me who had brought in an ad for bananas--3 pounds for a dollar. (we do live in a small town, you know)

I wore jeans and tennis shoes to church on a Sunday morning for the first time in my life (that I can remember). For some reason I felt like a college kid, not sure why.

I dragged my whole family out of the house only a day after the snow came so that we could drive around and look at all the beauty created by the snow and ice. AND so I could take pictures of it all with my husband's camera while HE was driving :)

I forced my five-year-old to put on the boots he had, so far, refused to wear, so that he could go out in the snow without getting his socks wet. After he realized that putting on boots meant going outside, he has started putting them on everyday!

I thought the ice-and-snow had messed up our antenna reception, only to realize that one of the boys (and I have my suspicions) had pulled the antenna cord out of place.

I went tennis-shoe-skating down our street, hoping none of the neighbors were watching. (I am almost 32, for pete's sake)

There were other things, but I can't think of them right now. Today the sun is shining and almost all of the white stuff is gone!

Sunday afternoon conversation

2010-01-25T07:27:00.002-06:00

My husband and I were sitting at the table finishing up our lunch while the boys were playing in the living room (not unusual at our house).
I heard grunts and cries from behind me of someone "not getting their way", so I turned and looked.
Me: (with tiredness) "They're fighting over something.....
(with awe) "Look! They're wrestling!!"
Husband: "Wow! That's really interactive!"

A wonderful time was had by all...

2009-12-30T09:56:00.002-06:00

Some of my favorite things from this Christmas:

Watching the snow fall outside the windows of my parents' house

Sharing a candlelight service on Christmas Eve with all the family

Sitting at the puzzle table eating cookies and sharing conversation

Playing and singing Christmas songs with everyone

Listening to NB say his ABC's

Seeing the happiness on PJ5's face as he "played with" his cousins

Being with everyone

Talking to everyone

Eating Joel's seven-layer dip (yummm)

Taking pictures with PJ's new camera

Eating mom's cooking (double yum)

Playing games

I might think of more to add later...

Love

2009-11-16T16:07:00.004-06:00

I had a revelation (or at least an interesting thought) yesterday morning at church. It was during the prayer time so it wasn't really related to anything said. I shared a little of it last night in the evening service.

First, the background: I have struggled (as every parent of a disabled kid does) to balance acceptance of my child's diagnosis, and pushing/working to help them move forward. They can work against each other. When you come to the point of accepting the diagnosis, it can cause a slump in your drive to change things. And conversely, when you are wholeheartedly pushing and working to move them forward in their development, it can cause feelings of discontent. You have to find the right balance, so that you stay motivated. Now, for my "Aha!" moment.

I need to love my child in the same way God loves me. (This may sound very basic, but keep reading!)

+God knows I'm not perfect.
+He loves me as I am---imperfect.
+He knows my potential, and that I haven't reached it all yet.
+He knows that someday I will be completely perfect (in heaven).
+He is making/shaping me towards that perfection (of mind, spirit, character, person).
+He doesn't change me instantly, but "processes" me.
+He disciplines me (because He loves me).
+He helps me do what is right.
+He forgives me.
+He is unendingly patient with me.
+He keeps teaching me.
+He protects me.
+Sometimes He carries me, other times He walks beside me.
+He allows me to experience the natural consequences of my decisions and actions (with a few merciful exceptions!).
+He keeps working on me, to make me what I should be.

Of course, I don't have the option of instantly changing my child. But I know that God could heal him instantly, but instead He is choosing to heal him one step at a time. Either way He gets the glory. I purposefully give praise and credit to God for every step of progress my boys make. And I know that he is changing me as well, through the process.

Rambling

2009-11-12T12:46:00.003-06:00

I decided to blog today because I actually have time. But I'm not sure what to say.

Things are going pretty smooth right now. We still have occasional bad days, like yesterday when PJ5 decided that screaming was his preferred mode of communication/expression. Our schedule is still pretty busy, especially the weekends. My hubby has been wanting to go hiking ever since he finished his test, but there's always been something going on each Saturday since then. I told him he better take a weekday off and go. (Sometime soon before it gets really cold)

I've been neglecting this blog, not really having much to say and choosing instead to get on FB. I think it's the interaction that draws me there. I can see what other people are saying, and they respond to me in their own time. Alright, alright, I also like "farmville". It's the only game I play on Facebook. What can I say? I always liked farms and ranches, but never had the opportunity to live on one. I'm not sure what this says about me, but I listed on paper all the crops I could plant and figured out which ones were the most profitable, even figuring in the time it takes for each to grow. Really, I did. I also like the fact that I only have to spend a few minutes each day on it to keep it going.

I recently attended the FIRST Statewide Autism Conference in Oklahoma. I came away feeling encouraged, empowered, and equipped. I had a few "Aha!" moments, gaining some insight and ideas on things like nutrition, sleeping, teaching communication, etc. They had concurrent sessions going on, and I wished I could clone myself. I was happy with all my session choices except one--something about parents coping with stress. I sat there and wished I could twitter on my phone:"you've got to be kidding". It was like a college lecture that explained what a healthy family should look like, but not really telling you how to get there. I guess I'll have to learn "stress-coping" somewhere else. I was pleasantly surprised to realize how many people were at the conference that I knew by face, if not by name. Excited, too, because I'm not outgoing by nature, and don't make a lot of friends easily. It made me aware that I am doing well at networking and accessing the "helps" available in our community.

On the homefront, we have a new member of our household. Well....on probation, I guess. We have a 6-month black female cat on a 2-week foster basis to see if she works out okay. She's inside only, and I have to watch because PJ5 likes to open the front door and look outside. He knows he's not supposed to go out without someone, but I don't want the cat to escape. (Of course, NB also likes to escape and then PJ5 will go out too, thinking he's someone.) The kitty seems to be adjusting okay. PJ5 likes to look at her and pet her, and says "meow" when he sees her. She always wants to be in whatever room I'm in, and follows PJ around in the mornings. My only concern is that she is still enough of a kitten that she loves to play, and at bedtime attacks our feet if they are moving under the covers (i don't let her in the boys rooms at night). I'm trying to train her not to play with human hands that are petting her, and so far she hasn't tried to scratch/attack the boys. One more week and we will have to decide if we are keeping her.

That's all folks. I'm running out of time. To the few friends and family members who actually read my blog that's my update. :)

Order, where are you?

2009-10-14T08:42:00.003-05:00

I'm in a weird funk today. It has been raining for I don't know how many days. It makes me sleepy. I'm in a fog, literally and figuratively. We bought the boys a trampoline a few weeks ago, and they haven't been able to play on it for several days now because of the rain. Thursday and Friday are Fall Break so the boys will be home all day. Hopefully the forecast is correct and it will be dry those days!

Sometimes there are so many things to do that I don't know where to start. I guess it's time to make a list.

That reminds me, we took an interesting personality test at our weekend marriage retreat. It divides people into six colors. I am primarily green, with some blue, yellow and purple thrown in. (sounds like a spectacular bruise). PJ is yellow, with some blue, green and purple. It's the blue people that like order and like to make lists. Green people like harmony and are accepting of others. Yellow people like doing for others and being around people. Purple people (eaters--wait, no) like to get things done and tend to define themselves by what they accomplish. And just to round out the color wheel.....Red likes to take charge and is competitive; and Orange likes to be the center of attention and loves taking risks.

It really was interesting and helps to identify areas of strength and weakness. A lot of couples are on opposite sides of the wheel, but not always.

True story

2009-09-09T21:31:00.002-05:00

Someone was pounding at the door...hard. I was still in my nightgown, but I peeked out the window to see who it was. It was a group of teenagers....Nuts! they saw me. They pounded harder on the door.

I barely opened the door; just enough to speak to them. They demanded that I let them in, brandishing guns. I told them no and slammed the door. They yelled that I had left my key in the door and I couldn't keep them out.

I stayed calm. They were probably bluffing, but I had left my keys in the lock before... All the same, I didn't panic but decided to call 9-1-1. Hopefully I could find the phone quickly. There. I had it. Dial the number... What?! I didn't know you could get an answering machine when you called emergency!

Alright, now I was scared. I decided to get PJ's gun that is for "defending the house". I reached in the place where he hides it....It's not there! It's not there!!!

I woke up. My heart was pounding and my breath was coming in short little gasps. I rolled over and woke up PJ.

"Where's the gun?"

"What?" he asked, not fully awake.

"Is the gun in the ______?" I insisted.

"No, I moved it to the _______" he answered. !!!!!!!!

How much longer?

2009-09-09T21:27:00.002-05:00

http://www.nationalautismassociation.org/howmuchlonger.php

How much longer will "officials" ignore the positive results of biomedical treatment for autism, and ignore the cry of parents to slow down the vaccination schedule?

A very good question.

Neat place

2009-08-29T11:31:00.003-05:00

Last week, on our date (not 2 days ago but 9 days ago) I took my husband to this new shop I found in the mall recently. I really like it. (and they aren't paying me to say this) It's called Teavana (spelling?).

Alright, no more parentheses, please.

They sell loose-leaf teas, of all kinds: black, green, white, red, herbal, etc. They also sell all the paraphernalia to make said tea---teapots of glass, china, cast iron, earthenware; teacups; teawarmers; individual-cup-teamakers; kettles for boiling water; decorative tins for storing teas, etc., etc. But my favorite thing about the store is that they have 6 to 7 teas already brewed that you can sample! Most of them are hot, but there are one or two iced teas. I love trying teas I've never had before. I also like that they mark how much caffeine is in each tea, in comparison to a cup of coffee, since I can't drink too much caffeine.

I checked and there is a website here. Or you can go to Penn Square, and they are downstairs in the central part of the mall.

From the questions my husband asked, I think I might be getting something as a gift from there soon!

As promised

2009-08-19T18:15:00.007-05:00

Our campsite, complete with trucks

and of course, dirt

PJ5 made lots of roads and dirt piles

This is how much space a squirrel needs to get into a van

Is it morning already?

Not quite awake

NB's favorite at the museum

Another favorite for both of them

I just had to put this in!

Vacation

2009-08-19T13:48:00.004-05:00

Camping:
Before kids, my primary concerns when camping were: dirt and critters, and how to keep them out of my tent, my food, etc. With kids, I hardly paid attention to the dirt; and obviously didn't give much thought to the critters, since a squirrel got into the van and ate some of our food the first night (we forgot that we had cracked the windows open early in the evening).

We all had fun. The boys loved being outside almost all day. We enjoyed playing in the water, although NB did NOT like the cold spring water if it was more than waist-deep. He had no inhibitions at the lake, however, and kept trying to go out towards the deeper water. When we'd had our fill of water-fun and the heat was bad we just drove around and let NB take his nap. PJ5 had an inflated tube and acted like he could go anywhere in it.

On this trip my primary concerns were:
1) Keeping the boys from straying too far from the campsite (there really aren't any clear boundaries, you know, and NB was just sure he could get to the lake if he ran fast and far enough) and 2) Getting everyone to sleep...well, actually just the little boys---my wonderful husband fell asleep soon after I started singing softly to the kids. PJ5 was a little upset because everything was so different than sleeping at home. And NB thought the tent was a play-place and rolled somersaults all over the place, including over the rest of us!!

We did have fun, though, and will do it again another time, but we may get a bigger tent and bring the port-a-crib for NB.

Omniplex museum:
It was nice to do some indoor play, and the boys enjoyed running around getting to touch everything. Some things were above their heads (figuratively and literally speaking) but they didn't care. They did tend to fixate on the activities they enjoyed the most: e.g., the hands-on train set, the climbing/sliding area, the lego-building area, the display of ping pong balls rolling and dropping through a "course"(i dont know what to call it), etc. There was a water table I thought they might enjoy but I changed my mind after NB swung his leg up and put his shoe-and-sock-clad-foot into the water, preparatory to climbing in!

Sadly, we didn't all troop through together like I pictured, so PJ5 was followed by his daddy, and I ran around after NB. Neither of us got to see everything, and we each visited at least one area that the other didn't. PJ5 spent several minutes watching the model train display and loved it! Unfortunately, I had the camera instead of PJ, so we didn't get any pictures of him. He also liked the erosion dislplay where you could arrange the logs(sticks) to keep the water from washing away the soil(gravel). I got dizzy after going down the tall, corkscrew slide with NB 5 times. I made him go by himself after that and he only went once more. He also enjoyed the wind tunnel where you get to experience 70 mph wind (or so it says).

I have some pictures which I will post when I have more time.

Thoughts and decisions

2009-08-09T14:46:00.007-05:00

All quiet on the home front. Well, maybe not quiet....but there's nothing earth-shaking going on around here right now. We recently finished VBS. PJ5 starts school in less than two weeks. NB will start school in another month, approx. And we are going to take a family mini-vacation soon. (not sure exactly what we will do, but hubby took a few days off to do some fun stuff before school starts)

I'm here because I have to get these thoughts out "on the air"....

I am seriously considering taking up a new responsibility. One that no one else is doing right now. I don't want to be specific...

I know some of you will say I have a lot on my plate already, but this is a small, yet important thing. It's not like a full-time job or even a part-time job....

It's just that I have had all these ideas running through my head of things to do and how to do them, etc. And I have had a burden on my heart for this for several months. I have kept pushing them aside, but they keep coming back....

Right now I am earnestly praying that God will show me if this is His leading, or just my own ideas. I know that if it is His leading that He will provide the strength, time, and wisdom to do it. If not, well, there are other places I can put my time and energy....

Please pray with me.

And if you want to ask me what it is I might tell you.

Never again

2009-07-27T11:40:00.003-05:00

That was the worst Wal-mart experience I've ever had. And I don't plan to repeat it.

Here's the background:
I confessed to my husband recently that I never go to W-M with PJ5 unless I'm planning to get chicken nuggets from McD's as we go in (otherwise he'll get upset). Therefore I plan my trips to W-M around meal-times or times when I can go without PJ5. He thought that wasn't very good training for PJ5 and made it harder on me, so I told him I would go and NOT get chicken only if he were with us to help. We did this a couple of times and things were okay. I even recently went to a W-M that did not have a McD's and PJ5 was upset for about two minutes, but then he was okay for the rest of the trip.

So, this morning I had a long list of groceries and other various items I needed. Because of today's schedule it worked best to go in the morning. McD's does not serve chicken and french fries in the morning, but I went ahead thinking it would be okay.

Or not.

As we walked past McD's without stopping, he began to cry very loudly. I kept going til we were at the back of the store, then I talked to him and told him we would get chicken after we finished our shopping (that really was my plan). He calmed down but it was brief, because as soon as we left the aisle we were in and went in the opposite direction of McD's he began to cry again. He proceeded to cry loudly through the whole shopping trip. Did I mention I had a long list? And the items were in all parts of the store. I'm sure people could track our progress just by listening.

But that wasn't the worst of it.

I can ignore his fussing and crying. I am practiced at it. Of course I periodically tried to calm him down or distract him, but he was too worked up. I was determined to finish my shopping so I just tried to be quick.

No, it was the stares. I have never been stared at so much. Every aisle we passed, as I looked down the aisle to see if I needed to go down it, everyone was staring back at us. Men, women, and children. One old man tried to say hi to him, then when he didn't respond smiled and said "he's not very happy, is he?" At first, I just smiled at everyone and kept going, but no one was smiling back at me. I wanted to yell out "He has autism!". Some stared at me, some stared at him. For some of them, their thoughts were written plainly on their faces.

"Who IS that??"
"I wish that kid would shut up."
"Why doesn't she DO something?"
"ugh, there they are again, why don't they just leave already."
"That child is too big to be acting like such a baby."

After a while, I was no longer smiling. After a while, I was crying. I kept trying to smile but no one ever smiled back. They just stared. My eyes were dry by the time I made it to the check-out, but they still stared because he still howled.

The cashier kindly and sympathetically asked "Is he tired?" I was finally able to explain to someone that he had autism and he just didn't understand that you can't get chicken nuggets in the morning, and that it was really hard for him to calm down. She said "Ohh" and smiled and was nice.

We did not stop at McD's on the way out because I couldn't stand to be in that building any longer. By the time we got everything in the van and started moving, PJ5 was fine---even happy. We drove through somewhere else and got lunch.

It's back to planning my W-M trips around mealtimes. Never again will I take PJ5 without planning to get chicken on the way in. It's just so much easier that way.

Note: all that time NB was quiet and good, other than his normal 2-3 attempts to stand in his seat.

Summer

2009-07-15T08:03:00.004-05:00

I haven't posted any pictures on here for quite awhile, so I thought I'd show what's going on around here this summer....

This photo shows why PJ can't do any studying at home, therefore goes to the library several times a week.
Here we have a few photos of the boys' favorite pastime in this summer heat wave:

And I found this a few weeks ago after I had put the boys to bed. I know NB was the culprit, because I have stopped him while he was happily unrolling. I guess this time no one caught him and he tried to put things back in their place.

Joke

2009-06-30T18:40:00.003-05:00

I guess I should become reconciled to posting on here once a week or less, but I keep thinking I'll do it more often eventually.

Anyhow, here is our big joke of the day.
First, I should explain that PJ has been home yesterday and today with strep throat. Yesterday sometime (or perhaps it was Sunday night) I adjusted the thermostat up to 78 since the cold front came through, and it seemed the AC was keeping it nice and cool. (By the way I feel ridiculous calling it a cold front when we still have highs in the nineties.) Then this morning as it approached noon, I thought it's getting warm in here--I better turn the dial back down to 75 so it will stay cool. And so I did. But a couple hours later it still felt warm. I climbed on a table and put my hand up to the vent and the air felt tepid. I thought "oh great--gonna have to call the AC guys--and it'll take forever to get one because it's so hot now" I decided to give it a little more time and see what happened. We all went to the store for awhile and as we left the store we could see a few rainclouds (not big) and the air felt a little cooler. But upon our return, I discovered that the air outside was now cooler than the air inside the house. I told PJ that we would have to call someone. I went to the thermostat to look at it again and then I saw it......
The "heat/off/cool" switch was on HEAT!

I switched it to "cool" and within 30 minutes the air coming out of the vents was definitely cold air. Of course, I exclaimed aloud and we both started laughing. He came over to look and pointed out to me a small step stool directly underneath the thermostat. I have never seen either of the boys reach for or even look with interest at the little box on the wall, but kids can be curious. However, I am not going to accuse.

I just looked out to the back yard where PJ took PJ5 to play. They have the kiddie pool full of water (which I suggested doing earlier when it was hot inside and out), and there is a nice breeze blowing and some more raincluds coming in from the west......*sigh*

I'm ba-ack.

2009-06-08T21:39:00.003-05:00

I think it's very ironic that during my whole "week without kids" I didn't blog once, but now that life is back into full swing I'm at the computer, blogging and facebooking. I'm not sure what that says about why I do these things.....

I was so glad for the break (thanks, Laura) but also glad to see my boys again.
I must say, however, that I definitely kept busy during that week. Two-and-a-half days of just me and the hubby, two days of organizing and cleaning at home, and two days of training at the Summer Autism Symposium. Computer time just wasn't on top of my priority list. Additionally, I was doing last minute prep for the Autism Walk. We had 29 people walking (or riding in strollers) on our team! Thanks everyone!! It's good to be reminded that there are lots of people supporting us as we navigate this road.

The Symposium is going well so far. I really got a lot of good information in the two days of training last week. It kind of fired me up, or re-energized me, to keep trying and keep working with the boys. Today was the first day of the kids' classes. Just to prove that I wasn't anxious at all....I did not sleep well last night and kept dreaming that I was running late and rewriting my schedule and being told that my kids were farther behind than anyone else's. In the parents group today we were asked if we were nervous, and reassured that the teachers working with our kids could handle them just fine. I wasn't worried about that!!---I had met and heard speeches from their teachers and knew they were competent and capable. I worried more that they were going to tell me that I had done all the wrong things and that my children were so far behind where they should/could have been! I know, silly. But emotions don't always make sense. I was also stressed about the schedule because NB is in the morning class and PJ5 in the afternoon class so I had to shuttle back and forth between locations (taking the one not in class to my nieces for babysitting). But all went well. There was plenty of time and the teachers told me that the boys did well. I think my biggest challenge is simply going to be getting the boys out of bed and out the door that early in the morning. They're not used to leaving the house at 8 AM!

After reading over what I just wrote, I think maybe I'm back because I need the outlet. what do you think?

Oh, and I'll try to post some pics from the Walk soon.

"accidents"

2009-05-13T10:09:00.002-05:00

Seriously, NB just tried to say that word!

(They are watching Elmo's Potty Time video)

I cannot believe all the things that are coming out of his mouth....yes, no, outside, slide, applesauce, Cerys, the "letter sounds" of a,b,c,d,h,j,k,l,s,t,w,x, and z....

And PJ5's latest new songs he likes to sing are:
I am Bound for the Promised Land
Behold, Behold, I Stand at the Door and Knock
Deep and Wide
Everybody Ought to Know
Do Lord
and many others

Not Me Monday

2009-05-11T16:22:00.004-05:00

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week...
I did not get teary-eyed when I heard my 2-year-old saying the letter sounds along with the "letter factory" video. (At first, I thought it was my 5-year-old)

I was not told by my doctor to gain some weight, and eat snacks loaded with calories and protein.

I did not get a bull's eye on my first two tries with my husband's .357 handgun when we went target shooting. I also did not go target shooting on a date with my husband, and it was not the first time we have done this in almost 8 years of marriage. (And he did not brag to a few people the next day about his wife!)

I did not plan my Wal-mart trips around whether I wanted to let PJ5 have chicken nuggets, because it's easier to give in than to push a cart through the store with a hollering 5-year-old.

I did not get snippy with my husband over the phone when I realized that after him being gone for 9 hours on Saturday, I was still going to be husband-less for another 2 hours, and consequently have to bathe and put to bed the boys by myself. And I did not almost immediately regret my shrewish-ness and remember to be thankful that I have a husband that actually comes home every night.

I did not stay up until 2 AM Sunday morning reading a book that I have read at least 20 times. And the title of the book did not begin with "Anne".

I was not tempted to throw the phone out the window when it interrupted my very, very short nap this afternoon.

And I am not double-scheduling myself for things I want to do in the next month. I would never do that.

Steps

2009-04-24T23:25:00.003-05:00

Last evening the boys were playing outside and NB did something totally new!
He has recently started playing with the little basketball goal we have out there, although it is too tall for him. So I was picking him up and holding him just within arm's reach of the goal, telling him to "put it in", "put the ball in" so he would do it, and I would cheer (and repeatprocess several times). Last evening as we were doing this, NB was jabbering as I held him, waiting for him to put the ball in the basket. It seemed very deliberate so I said "ball" very clearly and he watched my mouth and I said it a couple more times and he said "ba-ba" !!!! I praised him and he put it in and I ran in the house to tell PJ (who was taking it easy at the time). We both came back out and I got NB back in the game again and said "ball" every time and he said "baa" at least two more times. And once, after he picked the ball back up, and as he lifted his arms to be raised up again he said "baa", which is pretty much requesting, something he has never done before! So he was labelling and requesting!

PJ also told me later that NB signed "more" when he was giving the boys some chicken for supper (I was at the store). He was giving PJ5 a piece and NB was watching him, then he looked down at his hands and put them together in the sign for "more". PJ said "do you want more?" and got another piece for him. But he told me "it was almost like he(NB) was talking to himself, because he didn't look at me but down at his hands."

I haven't said much here about PJ5, but he is making a lot of progress at school. His progress tends to fluctuate, and he is on a big upswing right now. Our IEP meeting went well and was very encouraging. I'll probably share more about it later.

The last straw

2009-04-21T11:23:00.002-05:00

well...it feels like it anyway

I woke up with a sore throat and general achiness. I didn't take NB to MDO because a half-hour before I should take him he had a low fever(99.2) . He was fever-free yesterday and when he woke up this morning, so that was a bummer--and the fever was gone about an hour later! After this I had a high fever and couldn't find any ibuprofen in the house, except Children's. So after laying down a while we all went to the store for some essential items, namely medicine and juice and Sprite. The fresh air revived me a little, but by the time we checked out I was achy again and my purse strap felt like a knife buried in my shoulder. Back home with some lunch for the boys now. PJ5 will be going to school soon, then I will put NB in his crib and lay myself down too.

(I do have a babysitter for my meeting tomorrow, thanks for the offers; and it's too important to cancel. I just hope my head is clear.)

My main concern is that my husband NOT get this cold right before his test...That would be the last straw!

Pardon my doom and gloom. It's hard to be cheerful and upbeat when you feel like......well....you know...

This week

2009-04-20T14:30:00.004-05:00

There are so many things going on this week, that are matters of prayer for me. So for the 4 or 5 people that read my blog, perhaps you would keep these things in your prayers...

This week PJ is taking his long, hard, 8-hour test on Friday. That means he will be studying pretty much every day this week, so we won't see much of him at home (pray for me too!). He needs speed for doing all the calculations in the limited time; and mental and physical stamina to last all day (this is sometimes a problem for him); and good recall of what he has studied. (Just FYI we are still going to have some time together on our date night since he shouldn't really cram the night before)

Wednesday morning I am going to PJ5's IEP meeting. (Also, I have yet to find someone to watch the boys during that time.) I am a little apprehensive about this, because I don't know all the people who are on the IEP team, and I have been hearing several horror stories of meetings where the parents have to really fight to get what they want on the plan. This is probably just me imagining the worst-case scenario. I like his teacher and have talked to one other person whom I feel is on the same page for what we want for PJ5, but I know next to nothing about the 4 other people who will be there.

To top things off NB is fighting a bad cold.

I am also going to be praying a lot on Tuesday for Stellan who will be having a very risky surgery in Boston for his heart problems. He is only 5 months old which is what makes the surgery so risky.

It seems like there's something else, but my mind can't think of anything.
I also had a review meeting today for NB's current program, which will end when he turns 3 years old, in only 5 months! At that point he will transition out of the state's early intervention program and into school! We spent some time talking about that, including some of our options, and will have an official transition meeting in May. The meeting today went well, but I am still a little keyed (stressed) from that. I also really wanted to go to Texas this week and see my aunt who has been in the Philippines for the last year and will soon return, but I couldn't figure out how to fit that in with everything else that's going on!

Just for fun

2009-04-10T11:08:00.002-05:00

I decided to try this, but I'm not sure. I didn't feel like some of the answers fit me just right so it was hard to pick. :)

The result was:
You are Elinor Dashwood of Sense & Sensibility! You are practical, circumspect, and discreet. Though you are tremendously sensible and allow your head to rule, you have a deep, emotional side that few people often see.

Take the Quiz here!

Explanation

2009-04-09T09:04:00.003-05:00

Alright, my last post was a little abrupt and out of the blue, perhaps. I was in a hurry. I found that article and was (not for the first time) disgusted with the words of Rick Warren. I like his 5 basic "purposes", though I don't agree with everything he says in that book. But some of his teachings just are not Biblical. This disturbs me because so many, both in the church and outside of it, see him as a spokesperson for Christianity and the church.

We cannot be wishy-washy. God is truth and His Word is Truth. We must stand up for that truth and not back down. Even if it offends. Yes, we are to speak the truth in love, but often people focus on the "in love" part and never get to the truth. If we do not stand for the truth, then the world and its secular culture will walk over us. They are quite willing to oblige. The world is all for materialism, self-satisfaction, and perversion of truth; even though it may disguise itself as helping and loving. As Christ-followers we are for truth, sacrifice, and holiness; and our wisdom is foolishness to the world.

"So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the sill of God, you will receive what he has promised. For in a little while, 'He who is coming will come and will not delay. But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.' But we are not of those who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved." Hebrews 10: 35-39

I'm glad I got that off my chest.

Please don't put men on a pedestal

2009-04-08T16:40:00.003-05:00

(or women, for that matter)

America achieved its independence and freedom in the 18th century in large
part because colonial pastors stood up for biblical principles, preached them,
lived them and refused to back down from them – even in the face of death.

The American War of Independence has been accurately called a "pulpit
revolution" for this reason. It was inspired by great men of God who recognized
evil and called it by its right name.
What a difference two centuries,
combined with affluence and the corporatization of the 501(c)3 church culture
has made.

A good example of this was on display on CNN's "Larry King Live" this
week, as "America's Pastor" Rick Warren did a soft shoe act on his role in the
same-sex marriage battle over Proposition 8 in California.

"You know, Larry, there was a story within a story that never got told," he
said. "In the first place, I am not an anti-gay or anti-gay marriage activist. I
never have been, never will be. During the whole Proposition 8 thing, I never
once went to a meeting, never once issued a statement, never – never once even
gave an endorsement in the two years Prop 8 was going. The week before the – the
vote, somebody in my church said, Pastor Rick, what – what do you think about
this? And I sent a note to my own members that said, I actually believe that
marriage is – really should be defined, that that definition should be – say
between a man and a woman.

"And then all of a sudden out of it, they made me, you know, something that
I really wasn't," Warren continued. "And I actually – there were a number of
things that were put out. I wrote to all my gay friends – the leaders that I
knew – and actually apologized to them. That never got out. There were some
things said that – you know, everybody should have 10 percent grace when they
say public statements. And I was asked a question that made it sound like I
equated gay marriage with pedophilia or incest, which I absolutely do not
believe. And I actually announced that. All of the criticism came from people
that didn't know me. Not a single criticism came from any gay leader who knows
me and knows that for years, we've been working together on AIDS issues and all
these other things."

What are we to make of such mealy-mouthed, wishy-washy, namby-pamby hokum?
It's a great illustration of America's most prominent church leader
equivocating and backtracking and saying almost nothing coherent so that he will
offend no one.

Let me lay it on the line: This is not the way Yeshua talked or behaved. It
is not the example of the one whom Rick Warren claims to emulate and worship.
There is nothing prophetic or biblical or courageous or principled about this
kind of Christian witness.

April 2

2009-04-02T14:59:00.003-05:00

is World Autism Awareness Day. I looked it up and found out there are only a few diseases that the U.N. has marked with a World Awareness Day.

http://www.autismspeaks.org/ is one of the best sites for basic information. But there are many sites out there if you search "autism". This is because autism has become so prevalent. Prevalence is also the reason the U.N. established the WAAD.

Today 1 in 150 children are diagnosed with autism. I have two of them. It is more common among boys than girls. I have been asked if it is known why the statistics are rising so much. Everyone has theories, but there's no pat answer and I belive it is probably a combination of different things. Some say the numbers are higher because the symptoms are recognized better today. Some say the number really is rising due to factors that are yet unknown (because the cause of autism is unknown). Some say it is over-diagnosed; that doctors apply the label to other problems. This might be true, but all the more reason to educate people (raise awareness) on what autism really is. I am not going to list here the criteria of diagnosing autism, but will tell you something of what autism is.

Autism is a developmental disorder; i.e. it affects the normal development of children, slowing their development. That is why early intervention is important: the first years of a child's life they are more malleable, and there are building blocks that need to be put in place for further development. It most often affects their communication skills and social skills.

It is a neurological disorder in that it affects the neurological pathways in the brain. There is evidence that some of the neurons in the brain are not making the right "connection" or at least not all the time.

It is also becoming apparent that there is a biological/medical factor, though this is not always accepted by "experts". Children with autism often have food intolerances and/or don't digest certain foods correctly. If those foods can be removed from their diet, it helps to alleviate even the behavioral symptoms of autism. Children with autism often benefit from vitamin/mineral supplements because 1) their bodies are not properly breaking down the foods and 2) they often do not eat some foods because they are so sensitive to taste and texture that it is like torture to eat those foods (which means they may be missing pieces of an essential diet).

Autism is one of the "invisible disabilities" in that it is not apparent to onlookers that there is a disorder, in contrast with disabilities that are more easily seen. To others it may seem that the child is just a problem-child that needs a good spanking, but the issues are deeper and more complex.

Children with autism are just as lovable as typical children, they just require a little more patience. They have a lot of potential if you are willing to look for it. They require a little more protection because they are unaware of dangerous situations that another child might more easily recognize. You will usually need to tell them something more than once, because they don't have their "listening ears on" (literally). And if you give them a command (this is the really young ones) you will need to physically show them what you want them to do in response to your request because they simply don't know what is expected. And you may have to show them several times before they understand.

As you can imagine, my world is very different. Different than others and different than what I thought it would be. But I still love my boys, and I know they love me. I still pray for their healing, but I also pray that God will use my circumstances to change me to be more like Him. I just keep trusting Him more, and leaning on myself less. Because I know he is in control, I can keep my sanity. Without Him I would not have hope and I don't know how others survive without Him.

Not Me Monday

2009-03-30T23:49:00.004-05:00

As I confessed to our Sooner Start therapist/provider today, I have been hard pressed just to do the "normal" mom stuff this week, much less try to do the "super-fighting-autism" mom stuff. I was sick for one day (minor, but it sapped my energy), we had a SNOW day, PJ5 turned five, and we spent 12 hours at church yesterday (minus the hour or so we took for eating lunch).

However, this "Not Me Monday" post is going to be different. I have only been following MckMama for a little over a month, but I have discovered her to be a devoted Christian, a loving mother to her "Many Small Children", a committed wife to her "Prince Charming", and full of fun and a zest for life. When I saw on Monday last week that her 4-month-old was in the hospital, my heart felt sick. So in honor of sweet Stellan....

As we are all aware, Not Me! Monday was started by MckMama. "I created Not Me! Monday for the purpose of confessing our shortcomings and imperfections to each other since, after all, we are all only human!" (MckMama's words) Every Monday, you can find more "Not Me! Monday" at her site. However, this week, in honor of her and Baby Stellan, we're doing "Not Me! Monday - Stellan Style!"

This week, it's our chance to HONOR MckMama and Stellan with our Not Me! Mondays.

This week I did not....

---Check the internet almost every hour of every day (except Sunday) to see if there were any updates on Stellan's condition.

---Spend almost an hour looking at Stellan's name gallery and learning his story(PJ5 was at school and NB was asleep).

---Talk my husband to sleep (almost) telling him about Stellan and MckMama and why my heart was heavy.

---Re-start my "Twitter" account so that I could follow her Twitter updates (because they were more frequent than the blog updates).

---Feel blessed many times by her testimonies of holding onto God, trusting Him in the midst of distress, and having peace knowing He is in control.

---Make my husband get out of bed to look at some of the cute pictures of Stellan.

---Get tears in my eyes when I saw the sweet, tired expressions of him in the hospital.

---Hold my boys a little tighter and thank God that I can.

If you will, join the many in prayer for this little boy.

2009-03-28T16:57:00.001-05:00

Signs of spring in Oklahoma:

....redbuds blooming

....grass and weeds turning green

....new bright leaves on the trees

....tornado sirens

....local street flooding

....oh, yes...snow

I like snow, but once spring has started, I don't like going back to winter.

And don't forget the global warming crisis we are in!

Earth Hour is from 8:30 to 9:30, so turn on every light in your house!

Memories

2009-03-26T11:52:00.005-05:00

Well, five years ago today PJ5 was born...

I remember that the weather in Tulsa was a lot warmer and more spring-like than it is right now in Oklahoma(it's supposed to snow tomorrow). PJ (the 4th) had taken off the morning to take me to the hospital so the doctors could try to turn the baby who was feet down in the womb at three weeks before the due date. After driving me home from the unsuccessful attempt, he went to work, only to have me calling him a few hours later to take me back to the hospital because I was in labor! Once they decided I was in true labor, everything happened quickly, and at 4:00 in the afternoon our first son was born.

Then after a loooong time in the recovery room (because of my low blood pressure), settled into a regular room, I finally could concentrate on my son. I remember how it felt like my heart had expanded with love for him. I remember thinking how much he looked like his daddy, with his dark hair, blue eyes, and the deep indentation in his upper lip. Now his hair is lighter (although it is getting darker again), his eyes are brown, and he looks more like me---except for the wild curl in his hair and the indentation in his upper lip.

Write it down

2009-03-09T12:36:00.005-05:00

I'm realizing that I need to take time (sometimes make time) to write down my thoughts. Otherwise they float away and I forget them. If I forget the thought then I don't learn anything from it, or I forget what I learned from it. I have too many unfinished emotional processes. (does that make sense to anyone?) Again, how can I learn how to handle certain emotions if I don't get to resolve them or forget how to resolve them because I had to run on to the next situation that demanded my attention?

Maybe I live in the moment too much. If someone asks me how things are, I say fine because at the moment I am fine, regardles of the fact that I was crying not too long ago. Or if someone asks me how my week has been I can't really remember because it's all a blur.

So, "write it down, girl" is my motto for this week. :)

Today I am Sherlock

2009-03-04T10:56:00.004-06:00

I am looking for PJ5's newest and currently most favorite Veggietales DVD. I have the case, but the DVD is missing. The problem is that he likes to open the case and look at the DVD, and sometimes bring it to me so he can watch it.

So, I have looked for it in all the usual places that DVDs might possibly be found after PJ5 has been playing with them: the DVD player, the CD player, the CD player in his bedroom, the CD slot in the computer, on top of the piano, inside the wrong DVD case. And I've looked in some unusual places, too: under the sofa, in between the sofa cushions, under his bed, on the kitchen table. But I still haven't found it. Thankfully he is not panicking or insisting that he watch the video NOW. (I have also tried asking him where he put it, which works on rare occasions, but not this time.)

I used to be able to find missing things very easily and almost always remembered where I had put things, but my mind has never been the same since I had kids. You may think I am joking, and it is funny in a way, but it is too true.
~~
By the way, I am not blogging this because I expect anyone to be able to help me, but just to tell you what my day is like :)

Not Me

2009-03-01T21:05:00.006-06:00

Alright, I think I'm gonnna have fun with this. I'm going to do a "Not Me Monday" post.

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

This week I did not....

......casually mention my birthday to my husband in passing several times through the week.

.......have a wonderful time with two very good friends on Friday, staying up later than I probably should have done.

......decide to give up something for Lent, three days after the Lenten season started.

......tell my husband that I was considering giving up sex for Lent (did I really just say that?)

.....drive down the highway, with my fingers plugged in my ears and my elbows on the steering wheel, while my children yelled in the back seat.
.....decide that speeding was the best way to end the misery, and that if a cop pulled me over I would simply tell him/her that if they were driving with two screaming toddlers less than two feet behind them they would drive over the speed limit too.
.....attend a meeting where I was the only one under the age of 55 (except for my two children who were technically not part of the meeting).
.....feel somewhat out of place when the pre-meeting conversation at my table was about the pros and cons of various supplemental health insurance plans for seniors on Medicare. (The consensus seemed to be that BCBS was better than Humana, and very little was known about SecureHorizons.)
.....lie a few times when someone might ask how I was doing, because it's easier to say "okay".
.....stay up late deliberating over songs to sing on Sunday morning and then oversleep the next morning and have to miss Bible study.
......desperately push buttons on the cell phone in my pocket, trying to silence "Boomer Sooner" while the person beside me was praying.
......feel relief when we were invited over for Sunday dinner, because I hadn't had time or energy to put anything in the CrockPot the night before.
......get surprised by a very yummy homemade chocolate birthday cake after dinner.

Well, I had fun. Hope you enjoyed it (and that I didn't shock or offend anyone). Thanks to Lazy Phil for the "Not Me" idea.

Weekend

2009-02-21T13:26:00.004-06:00

I sat down here to write that things were going well today, when I heard a crash. Just finished putting the blinds back up on the big front window, even though PJ5 thought they should be down, so he could look out the window.

Feeling a little better today. Just being able to vent helps a little. (I also got 8 hours of sleep last night.) I'm thankful for friends and family who care and pray and help.

My hubby will be gone the next several Saturdays, so things might be tough at times, but there are people who will help. We will have choir/drama practice almost every Saturday, but that will help break up the monotony. Today is the first Saturday he is absent and so far, so good. I do look forward to tomorrow, though.

You know, Sundays can be exhausting for me (busy), but they are good nevertheless. I get to be in God's House and enjoy His presence. I get to play the piano (yes!) and sing. I get a little break from the boys. I get to spend a little extra time with my husband. I get encouragement from the services. I get to be with my church family. In general, it is a good day and a high point in my week (despite the tiredness at the end of the day).

I'm thankful for:
--Sundays
--Mother's Day Out
--Date Nights (every week, thank you Lazy Phil)
--Girls Nights
--Phone conversations (except sales calls)
--E-mails
--Hugs
--Being with friends
--Quiet times (rare)
--Bedtime
...just to name a few....

I didn't sign up for this!

2009-02-20T09:41:00.002-06:00

Have you ever felt that way?

I am emotionally burned out. I am unmotivated. At times I feel hopeless.

I am physically tired, because a little person has been keeping me from getting as much sleep as I need. I am emotionally tired, because raising my children is a challenge for which I feel inadequate.
I've been going around kind of numb, because that is easier than feeling.

I would ask for help, but I don't really know what I need anymore. I don't even know which way is up.

A few good things

2009-02-20T09:25:00.002-06:00

PJ5 demostrated an awareness of danger from moving vehicles yesterday, for the first time. We were getting ready to cross a parking lot and there was a Suburban approaching the "crosswalk". PJ5 was holding my hand and without any prompting he stopped and watched the vehicle. The suburban stopped and waved at me to go ahead, so I tugged at his hand and said 'let's go'. And he ran across, all the time watching the suburban, as though to make sure it didn't start up. He really kept his eye on it.

Last night, NB let me rock him for a long time. It was very sweet. He is an affectionate child, but his demonstrations are usually more physical-intensive: climbing all over you, rubbing your face in his belly while he stands on your lap, pulling your hair, bouncing on your back, etc. But last night he was very tired and upset, and when we put him to bed he just cried and cried; and it seemed he couldn't calm down. So I picked him up and sat in the rocking chair with him (something he hasn't liked since he was tiny) and rocked and sang for awhile. He relaxed and just snuggled down. When he started wiggling (to keep himself awake) I put him back in his crib. He cried a little, but it was a weak protest and didn't last long.

Inside for three days

2009-01-28T16:13:00.002-06:00

No school for three days.
Freezing temps.
Icy roads.
Restless kids and mom losing her mind.

PJ5 has learned three new skills during the last three home-bound days:
---Opening "twist-off" lids
---Pouring his own drink
---Climbing whatever is available to get what he wants

We've had some interesting times, in case you can't tell.

A Great American

2009-01-21T10:20:00.003-06:00

Well, I had a few tears in my eyes yesterday as I watched pieces of the inauguration proceedings. And it wasn't because I was witnessing an important moment in history, which I was. No, it was because I was saying good-bye to the Bushes. I had tears in my eyes as I watched the dignified couple welcome the new "First Couple" to the White House. And again as I watched them board a helicopter to leave the White House grounds.

He was such a man of integrity, and I hate how the media has made fun of him and criticized him. The media has ceased to be unbiased in the last year. He has been treated with such disrespect by our own American citizens, as well as the media. It makes me mad to hear it said that he has contributed to the loss of our moral standing with the world. When our nation was attacked he went after those who were responsible like any Texas boy would. He sent a message of "no tolerance" to terrorists and those who support them. No, if the moral image of our country has been tarnished it is by the media, and by the "stars" whose lives are seen by other countries as typical of Americans.

I'm not saying that I have agreed with every deicision he made. But at least he stuck by his decisions and was not swayed by public opinion. He did what he believed was best for our country in the long run and I admire and respect him for that.

I will miss him and I hope we can find another like him within the next four years.

Good-bye, George "W", and God bless you!

Great taste

2009-01-13T15:31:00.002-06:00

We've been watching the "old" Star Wars movies, enjoying the cheap rental rates at a video store that came to our area recently. Usually we watch them after the kids go to bed (almost like a date), but yesterday morning I was watching the end of the last one which we had started the night before. The kids were just playing, not paying any attention to the movie (since it's not animated or little kids singing). But when the Star Wars Theme Song came on with the credits their heads came up, and NB watched through almost all the credits, just listening to the music.

For those who don't know, that theme song is a thrilling piece, written by John Williams, a musical genius of the 20th century (he also wrote the theme for Indiana Jones). I remembered that the boys did the same thing with a few other movies with good music---Chronicles of Narnia and the Lord of the Rings trilogy, to name a few. I thought 'They must have great taste in music!'. Then I remembered how NB liked hearing an electric guitar being played at the music store, and how he wil bop his head whenever he hears rock-like music played...Well, maybe they just like music, period.

Strange habits

2009-01-13T14:11:00.004-06:00

I was thinking about this the other day:

I noticed something about PJ a few years into our marriage. When he talks to someone who has a foreign accent, he starts to speak with their accent also. I'm not kidding, it's true! I've seen him do it with people he worked with from India. I've heard him with our hispanic neighbor. It's totally unconscious, because when I mentioned it to him, he was surprised. He may be more aware of it now, since I said something. And, when he has been with any "country boys" (at work or elsewhere) he sounds as "Okie" as the rest of them (this accent comes quite naturally, I'm afraid).

I don't know why he does it, and I'm sure he's had some strange looks from people when he starts talking like them. He is not purposely mocking. I think it has something to with the fact that he is such a good listener and conversationalist---he just joins in with the person he is talking to. I wonder if he would be good at picking up other languages in another country.

I was thinking about this and the humorous side of it, and realized I do something similar and just as funny. If I have just put down a book to talk to PJ, he can tell sometimes what genre of book I've been reading. If I have been reading a Western (I inherited this taste from my dad), I talk like a cowboy, dropping my g's and everything. (e.g., "I been thinkin' 'bout somethin'") And if I've been reading an English regency era book (one of my fav genres), I use expressions and words from my book. So, I talk like the characters in the book I'm reading. (Some books lend themselves more easily to this than others.)

So, I guess we all have funny quirks. And you just learned some new ones about us!

Update

2009-01-05T18:00:00.003-06:00

Alright, we're back from our 2nd Christmas of the season, which technically was celebrated in the new year. (I think it's time to go through the toy box again.) The last two weeks have been busy with holidays, trips and sicknesses (yes, that's multiple). We were out of town on Sunday and realized that neither of us had told anyone we were going to be gone. Of course we didn't realize this until Sunday morning! This weighed on my conscience the rest of the day, but I'm not sure it bothered PJ as long.

My poor son's internal clock is all messed up. PJ5 was sick last week and took daytime naps during that time (he usually doesn't nap). Now his sleep pattern is messed up. He either can't go to sleep at his bedtime, or else he wakes up really early and then gets tired in the afternoon. Today he woke up at 4:30 a.m.; then this afternoon he came off the bus, crying and they said he had fallen asleep at school and didn't want to wake up. Somehow, I felt like he was more upset about falling asleep at school than about having to wake up and get on the bus to go home. School is where you play and learn, home is where you sleep. I don't know, maybe I'm wrong.

Well, gotta end. It's time to put the boys to bed---and hopefully soon to sleep!

Christmas

2008-12-30T10:06:00.003-06:00

I have noticed that most of the blogs I follow have not posted anything (or very little) in the last 1 to 2 weeks. I guess that has to do with the holidays. I wonder if blogging is something we do in the absence of social events . . . or if more social events simply mean less time to blog. Well, for me it was just not enough time.

Every year I think I'm going to get my Christmas shopping done early and not at the last minute, but it never happens. In consequence, my week before Christmas is very busy. Add to that the fact the two days after Christmas my four-year-old got sick with the stomach flu. You know, an autistic child doesn't know how to tell you he feels sick, so it just comes out without warning. I've been doing lots of laundry and cleaning. He's better now, except that his stomach is sensitive.

In spite of all that, though, it has been a good Christmas, because it was, for me, a Christ-centered Christmas. I purposed that it would be. Not just in reading the Christmas story before opening presents (which we did), but in being conscious of His presence and His place in this season.

bleeegch!

2008-12-18T14:59:00.003-06:00

Something funny that happened last night:

Yesterday in the late afternoon I found PJ5 in my bathroom pumping some soap into his hand and wiping it onto the the counter. (I think I've mentioned his affinity for "pumping" things.) I thought I had caught him early because there was only one smear on the counter. That night when going to bed I went into the bathroom to get a drink of water and noticed there was a little soap on the faucet handle, though not much. But, when I drank the water I had put into my cup it tasted very strongly of anti-bacterial SOAP! I guess he had already smeared soap all over the faucet before I found him. Now I know why washing your mouth out with soap was such an effective threat for kids!

A day in the life...

2008-12-08T13:30:00.002-06:00

All this happened on Saturday and I wanted to blog it, but didn't have time so I wrote in a notebook to post later. (and after you read it you'll understand why I didn't have time to blog)

--NB spilled a cup of Sprite that PJ5 left out somewhere.
--NB sat in a puddle of applejuice that he himself created.
--PJ5 pumped out a lot of lotion which he smeared onto the sheets of my bed. (he loves to pump lotion, soap, etc.)
--We cleaned off about $20 in change off PJ's dresser.
--NB tried to dismantle the front door.
--Someone(?) scattered the clothes that I had JUST folded on the sofa (while I had carried off a stack to put away).
--NB squealed in delight while PJ5 yelled in protest as we walked into Walmart. (I tried not to notice if anyone was staring.)
--PJ5 dumped an almost full container (trial-size) of baby powder onto the floor of NB's room.

These are the type of things that happen on any given day around here. It just so happened that this all occured within the same day. I should perhaps mention that PJ was gone most of that day.

Update

2008-11-20T10:03:00.004-06:00

It's been a couple weeks since I posted anything, but it's been a busy two weeks.

One positive thing that has happened, though:
PJ5 said "I love you", spontaneously (without prompting), for the first time!! (And, yes, I'm speaking of my son here and not my husband!) He has said it a few times when I try to get him to repeat the words after me, but not on his own initiative. I was leaving him in the nursery and gave him a kiss over the "half-door" then waved and he said 'I love you' in his little sing-song voice. It was very sweet.

There have been a few other words he has spoken, as well. Last night, when I put him to bed, as soon as I said "amen" to my prayer, he said "ni-night" before I said it. He has been saying 'bye-bye' a lot more lately. And the other night as we were walking up the hall at the hospital I was telling him (as I have each time we go up there) "we're going to go see Mema and tell her 'hi' and 'I love you''. He is always looking all around and I never know how much attention he's giving me, but this time he said "mema", very clearly. That was a first!

These may seem like small accomplishments, and for a typical kid they might be(especially at 4 years old). But for a child with autism, every small step is actually a huge step. And I praise God for every progress that is made.

It's official

2008-11-07T08:00:00.002-06:00

I am now "officially" the mother of two autistic children. Nathan got a diagnosis yesterday. He is on the autism spectrum; on the mild end.

It was a profitable visit, though. The doctor asked how she could help us, or what we wanted from the visit. So we were able to ask specific questions and get detailed answers.

We were not surprised, really. And in the whole scheme of all the things that have happened this week, on a local level as well as national and global events, this diagnosis seems like a small matter. I am not in despair. I haven't cried (though there may be days I will--I am human).

I told PJ once that for the parents of autistic kids, the pains and sorrows are bigger than those with typical kids; but so too are the joys. Who else rejoices over their child jumping off of a step without holding on to something? Who else marvels over their child pointing at and identifying letters? Some of the small steps in a typical child's growth that are taken for granted are huge leaps for an autistic child. And every success is cause for celebration.

I'm not sure how to end this post, but I do want to thank every one of you who have been praying for us. That does bring tears to my eyes when I think of all the love and prayers of our friends and family. I know that God is still in control. My hope is in Him.

"But I will sing of your strength, in the morning I will sing of your love;
for you are my fortress, my refuge in times of trouble.
O my Strength, I sing praise to you;
you, O God, are my fortress, my loving God."
Psalm 59:16-17

2008-11-05T13:54:00.003-06:00

I had my say, but I found someone who has put things very well. This is from Joel Rosenberg's Weblog
This man has a unique insight and wisdom when it comes to seeing current events through the lens of God's Word. He pays particular attention to what is happening in the Middle East. If you haven't read his book "Epicenter", I encourage you to do so.

"Congratulations to Sen. Obama. His victory last night was an historic moment, further evidence of how far Americans have come in moving beyond the racial divisions of the past. This is good, and should not be underestimated.
It is now our solemn responsibility to pray faithfully and consistently for him, his wife, his family, and his advisor. We must pray for their safety, their wisdom, and their discernment. This is the right thing to do and honors the Lord. As the Apostle Paul teaches so clearly in I Timothy 2:1, “I urge that entreaties, prayers and petitions and thanksgivings be made on behalf of all men, for kings and all who are in authority, so that we may lead a tranquil and quiet life in all godliness and dignity.”
We must also pray faithfully for the safety of our nation, for the peace of Jerusalem, and for the advancement of freedom and security throughout the world, and particularly in the Middle East. I am very concerned about what the next year to 18 months may hold. Vice President-elect Biden warned us that the world will test this young new president. We must therefore pray for peace while we prepare for war.
I’m paying particular attention this morning to how people in the epicenter are reacting to Sen. Obama’s victory. Leaders in Iran are thrilled since the likelihood of decisive U.S. action to stop Iran’s nuclear weapons program has just dropped dramatically. Leaders in Iraq, by contrast, are trying not to be worried given that the likelihood of rapid withdrawal of U.S. forces has just increased dramatically.
Palestinians seem to be thrilled, since they seem Obama as pro-Palestinian and open to dividing Jerusalem and pressuring the Israelis to make further concessions of “land for peace.” Many Israelis feel quite unsettled this morning, concerned that they will be all alone in the Middle East as the U.S. begins to pack up and go home from Iraq. They are also concerned that Obama and his team do not appear to fully understand or appreciate the seriousness of the threat of Radical Islam. Sen. Obama told us during the campaign that Iran was a tiny country that did not pose much of a threat. Israelis are not convinced he will stand with them in a nuclear showdown with Tehran.
A senior political strategist in Israel emailed me last night with this thought: “The State of Israel is now facing the most unfriendly American administration ever….Israel’s will to live will be tested in ways that will not e pretty. Many of Obama’s foreign policy team and Middle East advisors see Israel as the obstacle to peace. And we can not count on Jewish supporters of Obama to have any standing in setting policy in this administration.” A new poll released yesterday also caught my attention: 46% of Israelis would have voted for McCain, while only 34% would have voted for Obama. That tells us something about the concern from Eilat to Haifa and from Tel Aviv to Jerusalem about losing a great friend of Israel and the Jewish people in President Bush to someone who has not indicated convincing support for Israel in the past.
I know many of you are very worried about the direction of our country. I certainly understand this sentiment, but as I wrote yesterday, let us not lose heart. The Lord knew who would win. He allowed it to happen. He has a plan. He has a purpose. And now He is calling us to serve Him faithfully — to do whatever He tells us to do, to go wherever He tells us to go, to say whatever He tells us to say. Now is the time to draw close to Christ, to advance His kingdom, and prepare for His return. He is, after all, the King of kings and the Lord of lords. Now is certainly no time to forget, or to be discouraged."

Sound Off

2008-11-05T13:11:00.004-06:00

Well, I want to have my say about the election.

I am disappointed. I still have a hard time believing that this nation has elected a person who wants to redistribute money from those who work hard to those who have their hands out; who wants to talk to leaders of terrorist-friendly nations without preconditions; who sat under the preaching of someone who preaches that America is a terrible country for 20 years; who has said there should be a "civilian national securty force" with funds equal to the military; who said in an interview "my muslim faith" and was corrected by the reporter, "your christian faith"; who has been friends for years with a person who is an unrepentant domestic terrorist; and I could go on. This is not about race, it is about important issues and the future direction of our country.

That said, I must also say this: I will respect his position and authority as God's Word tells me to do, and I will pray for him that he will have wisdom as he leads our nation.

Some people think we should not speak against the nation's president because that's not showing respect. I can respect his position and our nation, but I don't have to agree with what he says and does. Because I live in this nation of wonderful freedoms, I can speak my disagreements (at least for now I still can!) with his policies and ideology.

We have the privilege and responsibility as citizens of a democracy to cast our votes and to elect the persons we believe will be best for our nation into positions of power and authority. It speaks volumes about our nation today that we have elected this man into power.

Our pastor encouraged us to pray that God would give us the kind of president we need instead of what we deserve; and to pray for His will instead of just what we want. Our Sovereign Lord knows what is best and he sees the bigger picture. We don't know what the future holds but He does and He has promised to be there with us, to the end.

The finished product

2008-10-27T11:12:00.003-05:00

I have had a request to "see" the results of the labor which I blogged about several months ago when we were building this swingset. So, here it is. We replaced one of the "sling" swings with a baby seat swing for NB (though PJ5 likes it too). They both like to use the two-seater swing, even at the same time! And PJ5 will sit in the sling swing and push with his feet a little bit, but he's not ready for us to push him on it (not secure enough).

I hope this comes out alright. This is the first time I've posted a picture on here and I wasn't sure which size to make it.

The dangers of motherhood

2008-10-27T10:50:00.002-05:00

Saturday I was sitting on the floor and my two-year-old came running at me like a linebacker. The first time I saw him coming and just rolled with him. The second time his head hit my mouth and busted my lip.

My four-year-old does not like to walk in the wind, so he clings to one of my legs with his head against it and covers the other ear with his other hand (he's been trained, you see, to hold on to someone or something when he walks in the parking lot). However, this makes for difficult and sometimes dangerous walking. I stumble around trying to keep my balance (I'm often trying to carry my 2-year-old at the same time) and very rarely walk in a straight line. And in a parking lot, it's safer to walk in a straight line so that drivers know where you are going. Sometimes I just stand still and let them pass before our little staggering train moves on.

Nice pictures

2008-10-21T10:45:00.003-05:00

I found some really neat pictures here.

I were really blog-smart and experienced like some of my friends, I could probably put a window here where you could see the photos. But I'm new at this :-)

I really like the animal pictures and the scenic shots, but a few of the people shots are interesting, too.

Speaking of pictures, PJ told me he would like to do a blog where he could just put up pictures he has taken and I told him that was possible. The difficulty will be that he wants to put up pictures that he took on film, so we'd have to find a way to scan them. Given time, we may figure something out!

Oh well, maybe next time

2008-10-15T11:16:00.003-05:00

Well, like the VT pirates, we didn't do anything...
My hubby had the day off Monday (Columbus Day), and we thought we might do something outdoors-y. But PJ5 still had school, and NB has Sooner Start on Mondays, plus it was overcast all day. So, we didn't do anything. He worked on his car for some hours, and for me it was a typical Monday.
But the rest of this week will not be typical as it is Fall Break for the schools. So I have both boys at home all day for the rest of the week. Today is still rainy so I think we're just going to be lazy today. By tomorrow we should be able to enjoy the outdoors again.
Hopefully the next time he has a day off we can go do something!

Save gas---ride a horse

2008-10-09T19:49:00.004-05:00

Today is one of those days where I feel a need for nature's peace and tranquility.
I'd like to cuddle up with a cat in my lap, stroking its silky fur while it purrs contentedly.
I'd like to lay in a field of wildflowers and let the wind blow over me while I close my eyes.
I'd like to sit on the bank of a stream and listen to its bubbling, gurgling laughter.
I'd like to ride a horse down a quiet country lane.
I'd like to watch a sunset across a lake.

It's been a long time since I've done any of those things. sigh

My Rant

2008-09-29T14:55:00.003-05:00

I am so aggravated and disgusted. I was at the store and an older gentleman stopped me as I was going down an aisle and said, "Can I tell you a joke? It won't take long." I politely smiled and said okay. He then proceeded to tell me a blonde joke. I rolled my eyes, smiled and moved on.

Talk about prejudice!!! I am ready to dye my hair! The only reason he stopped me was because of the color of my hair.

Typical blonde jokes are not funny to me, because they portray blondes as stupid. I don't know why a person tells blonde jokes to a blonde. If the blonde is as dumb as the joke portrays, they're not even going to get the joke. If they are intelligent enough to get the joke, they're not going to think it funny that the person is stereotyping them.

I am blonde. I am not stupid! So I've decided to change my hair color...

Alright, maybe I'll wait until PJ gets home before I do anything drastic...

Don't tell me a blonde joke right now...

Concerns - Part II

2008-09-27T10:50:00.004-05:00

Like I said before, I have read the summary, but not the full document of the “Manifesto”. But I went to the “Talk about it” page to see what others had to say. Some of the comments from various people illustrate/define my concerns:

First, what some have said in support of the manifesto:

“Thank you so much for much wisdom of the Manifesto. I pray that hearts will lean towards more love/mercy then judgement(sic) and laws.”
“The relativism expressed, i.e. tolerance for diversity, and the notion of a open plaza for public discourse permitting the rational and the faithful to congregate is a powerful notion.”
“Glad to see secularism beginning to stem inside religious community.”

I hope those statements scare you the same way they scared me. Why is there a need for mercy if we are not first condemned by law and justice/judgment? Read Romans 6-8, especially 7:7-12. “What shall we say then? Is the law sin? Certainly not! Indeed I would not have known what sin was except through the law…So then, the law is holy, and the commandment is holy, righteous, and good.” (I could go on, but I will stop.) So, secularism has found a place inside the religious community, eh? Well, it doesn’t fit in my Bible.

Now here are some comments in criticism of the “Manifesto”:

“Why were polarizing left leaning evangelicals like Brian McLaren (to call him an evangelical is charitable) and Jim Wallis asked to sign this, while prominent right leaning evangelicals left out of this process?”

(A very good question…Brian McLaren is a big spokesperson for the emerging church movement.)

“it tries too hard to appease the sophisticated unbeliever (many of whom identify themselves as Evangelical), and fails to draw the firm lines so sorely needed in church circles.”
“Holiness - not one mention about Holiness - which we are called to in Jesus Christ. The glaring issue with the Church today is there is no talk about Holiness or Sin - which the Gospels, and letters spent more time talking about than anything else.”
“I applaud the effort to "re-reform" the church - but this looks like more a change to meld with today's culture than no - as the manifesto states” [“than not”- is what is meant here]
“It seems to me that it is an impossible document. We don't want a naked square or a sacred one; we can't be liberal or fundamental; etc., etc., etc. The trick there is picking the middle ground. They appear to have left too much space and not enough at the same time.”

Some eye-opening objections there. Those all speak for themselves, but this next one is interesting. This person signed the Manifesto, but apparently has some reservations.

“However, I have some issues with this manifesto, and so I suppose, with Evangelicalism: 1. I think right belief is emphasized way too much. "Believing" in the Greek has connotations of trusting and faith, and intellectual belief is only a small part of it. Over-emphasizing belief is, I believe, a modernist, culture-based, reactionary distortion of Christianity. 2. The manifesto says Evangelicals want to respect all varieties of belief, Christian or non-Christian, and decries people who believe their way is the only way and try to coerce people to believe like them. Maybe Evangelicals don't want to coerce people, but in the beliefs section, the manifesto states strongly that Jesus is the only way to God. How can a person be so absolutely sure that she is right and still be open-minded and respectful? I tend to agree with Brian McLaren, who I paraphrase here, as saying "I am sure I am wrong about some of the things I believe most strongly." Wouldn't a little more skepticism be a healthy thing for Evangelicals, in order to be more open-minded and respectful? Moreover, you can grow a lot by being open to diverse opinions and recognizing that you may be wrong. Also, the belief that Jesus is the only way would tend to connote that non-Christians are going to hell. Is that what Evangelicals believe? If so, how is telling people they're going to hell if they don't believe like you spreading Good News and not coercing them?”

It sounds like this person has already aligned their thinking with the emerging church, but their criticism of the manifesto’s statements actually causes me to look more favorably upon it.

Well, now I need to read the document in its entirety, but what I have seen so far provides much food for thought. I welcome people's comments on this.

Concerns - Part I

2008-09-27T10:29:00.005-05:00

I was challenged by a conversation with my sister at the beginning of the summer, which led me to examine closely the Evangelical Manifesto and some issues around it. I wanted to blog about these issues, but it needed time and research. I have begun, and am continuing, to research and think about these things, but I am going to get started here by talking about my concerns. I expect to make other posts related to all this, so this is not my final thought or conclusion. And if anyone wants to agree, disagree, or discuss these things, go ahead.

I have concerns about the Evangelical Manifesto. I went to their website and read the summary and have downloaded the full document. From reading the summary there are some good things and some not so good, but I will wait until I have read the full document before I raise any questions on it. In the meantime, some of the things on the Manifesto's website were eye-opening. So I will begin there.

The “Intro” to the manifesto has some disturbing aspects:

“An Evangelical Manifesto is an open declaration of who Evangelicals are and what they stand for. It has been drafted and published by a representative group of Evangelical leaders who do not claim to speak for all Evangelicals, but who invite all other Evangelicals to stand with them and help clarify what Evangelical means in light of “confusions within and the consternation without” the movement. As the Manifesto states, the signers are not out to attack or exclude anyone, but to rally and to call for reform.”

Stop here for a minute. It sounds okay so far, but why do they say “not out to…exclude anyone”? If it is indeed a “declaration of…what they stand for” how can it not be exclusive? It says it is intended to be read by anyone, but not everyone is going to agree with them. Alright, that may be a technicality, but there’s one other problem here. This sounds a lot like those who push for tolerance, acceptance and inclusion in the church, at the expense of sound doctrine and absolute truth. Let’s go on.

“As an open declaration, An Evangelical Manifesto addresses not only Evangelicals and other Christians but other American citizens and people of all other faiths in America, including those who say they have no faith. It therefore stands as an example of how different faith communities may address each other in public life, without any compromise of their own faith but with a clear commitment to the common good of the societies in which we all live together.”

Again - tolerance and being inclusive of everyone. It is a fine line to have such an open, non-offensive (if that is the intent) discussion without compromising your faith or lowering your standards. Also, the overall premise here is somewhat disturbing, because it sounds a lot like the dangerous, post-modernist “emerging church” movement, which promotes “dialogue” and dismisses absolute truth. (I will probably talk more about the emerging church movement, but if you’re not familiar with what it is, you can find a lot of articles just by Googling “emerging church”.)

“For those who are Evangelicals, the deepest purpose of the Manifesto is a serious call to reform—an urgent challenge to reaffirm Evangelical identity, to reform Evangelical behavior, to reposition Evangelicals in public life, and so rededicate ourselves to the high calling of being Evangelical followers of Jesus Christ.”

This is good, though I’m wondering what they mean by “reposition Evangelicals in public life”.
That's enough for now. I don’t want this post to be too long. I guess this can serve as my “introduction” of this topic.

Little bits

2008-09-26T09:03:00.003-05:00

This is not good---I feel like my cold from three weeks ago is coming back. I have that raw-throat-feeling again!

We just returned from a quick trip to take PJ5 to the specialist we've been seeing since January. (Little Giant Steps: a Neurodevelopmental approach) They do re-evaluations every four months, which allows them to make changes to our program. Right now he's stuck in one area, but he seems quite happy to remain there and not move forward, so we're going to try something new to help push him out of his comfort zone.

Evaluations and tests are always hard. It's a stinging reminder of how far behind your child is, in spite of the little bits of progress you see.

PJ was very excited to get the parts he ordered for his classic Chevy (the '56, as we call it). I think I know what he will be doing this weekend!

Some, but not all

2008-09-22T14:42:00.002-05:00

That is what our pediatrician said at our 2-year visit for NB. He has some symptoms of autism, but not all. She is not pushing for an official diagnosis, because it will not change the things we are already doing for him, to help his development. We are going to put him on the waiting list of a doctor in this area who specializes in autism. The list will probably be a year long (at least), and by that time we can see where he is and what direction we want to go in.
That's my update.

A New Repertoire

2008-09-16T09:05:00.003-05:00

A few weeks ago I let PJ5 pick out a Veggietales CD to buy at the store. It's an "On the Road" album with traveling songs. We have been listening to it in the van at his insistence. So here are some of the surprising new songs I have heard him singing recently:

-Daisy, Daisy (A Bicycle Built for Two)
-Dinah Won't You Blow Your Horn
-Are We There Yet?
-Oh You Can't Get to Heaven (On Roller Skates)
-Happy Trails to You

(The words are sometimes recognizable, but the tune always is.)

Also

2008-09-13T11:25:00.000-05:00

I'm very thankful for Puffs Plus!!

Today I am thankful for:

2008-09-12T16:14:00.002-05:00

- cough drops

- afternoon naps

- paper plates

- a child's smile

- the fact that I don't live near the ocean

- President George W. Bush

- the fact that I live in a country where there is freedom of speech, and still a few people who report the truth instead of what the political party wants them to say

You're not allowed...

2008-09-09T21:10:00.002-05:00

To be sick when you're a mother of toddlers.

But I can't stop the pounding in my head, the burning in my throat, or the nose....well, I won't get too graphic. I haven't slept well the last two nights. And there's not much opportunity to sleep during the day. My boys like to be close to me, but I'm trying to stay away so they don't get this cold. Since I don't have anything going on tomorrow morning, I'm taking some night-time "so you can rest" cold medicine. It usually works for me, although I sometimes have weird (or wierd) dreams. (How do you spell that word?) Anyway, that's what's going on around here.
~~~~~~~~~
NB is laughing in his crib to keep himself awake, and PJ said it sounds like "Woody Woodpecker".
:-)

(almost) Two

2008-08-26T23:32:00.002-05:00

This has been an interesting week for NB, my youngest...

Twice now he has ended up in a bathtub full of water with all or most of his clothes on --- including a diaper, and one time his shoes! Both times the bathtub was filled for someone else and not him, but he "found" it and climbed in (regardless of his clothing) before anyone discovered what he was doing. You know, he didn't do this before we went swimming this month...hmm.

Also this week, NB has been shut inside of a room at least twice. This has more to do with PJ5's affinity for closing doors, rather than any behavior on the part of NB. PJ5 likes closing doors and doesn't think about who is on what side of the door. At least I don't think it is deliberate. The most recent time, NB was crying with actual tears in his eyes, although I think that had something to do with him being tired.

But it reminded me of an evening not long ago. I heard NB fussing/crying, but I couldn't figure out where he was. I checked the usual places in the house, in the process asking my husband if he knew where the boy was. Finally I opened the bathroom door, which was closed, and finally found him. I knew PJ5 must have closed the door because he had left the water running (another of his affinities). But what surprised me was where NB was....squatting on top of the tank of the toilet!!! He loves to climb so there he was: as high as he could get and wailing pitifully!

this kid....and he's not even two yet.

New school

2008-08-18T18:33:00.003-05:00

PJ5 starts school on Wednesday. The Pre-K developmental delay class includes 3-,4-,and 5-year-olds. So he was going to be in the same class (same teacher, assistants, therapists) as last year. But because the number of special needs students in the district has increased, they had to open a new class, with a new teacher, at the new elementary school.

So...everything is going to be new for PJ5 this year. We met the new teacher tonight, and she seems nice and very well-organized. We had to "persuade" her to put him in the afternoon class (she planned to have all the younger children in the morning session and the older ones in the afternoon). Actually, I did the persuading. When she realized our reason, she agreed to have him in the afternoon. (If you're curious about the reason, it has to do with him being a late sleeper and not at his best in the mornings. I felt that he would receive less benefit from his instruction if given at a time when he's tired, hungry, etc.)
I'm still a little anxious, though. His IEP (education plan) is still the same, but the people carrying it out don't know him as I thought they would. I still don't know who his speech therapist, occupational therapist, or physical therapist will be.
We will wait and see how things go. If we need to make an appeal to the district, we can. Or we can look for another school.
I know God is in control and will work things out, but if you think of us, say a prayer for extra peace and wisdom.

Men

2008-08-09T20:21:00.003-05:00

Why does it have to go so fast?

Men:
When they're kids, they race their bikes.
In their late teens/20's, they race their sports car/hotrod.
In their 30's, they race their minivan/SUV.
In their 40's/50's, they race their corvette/porsche (mid-life crisis).
When does it end?
In their 70's and 80's, they will probably race their walkers and wheelchairs.

I guess it's just one of those "guy" things.

Sing along

2008-08-06T23:45:00.004-05:00

I came out of the house this evening and saw a few (non-productive) rain clouds on the horizon and became inspired......

(to the tune of "Let It Snow")
Oh, the weather outside is the hottest,
And it sure does feel like August,
The sun is causing so much pain,
Let it rain, let it rain, let it rain!

----------------------------------------------

I've lost count of how many days now we have had over 100-degree temps. Of course this happens every year at some point during the summer. But every year we think 'When will this ever end?', and then we're thankful for highs in the 90s, even though you can't feel much difference.

We can't wait for winter, but then when the freezing temps come to stay for awhile, we can't wait for summer. Personally, my favorite seasons are spring and fall. Comfortable weather and colorful nature. Well, the weather is comfortable until the sirens go off---we are in "Tornado Alley" after all.

What it's like

2008-07-21T15:41:00.003-05:00

I recently read an illustrative story of what it's like to have an autistic child that I think really says it well. I'll try to put it in my own words...

Having an autistic child is like this: You're at an amusement park and you get in line to ride the carousel. It's a safe, predictable ride. You can see it ahead as the horses go around in a circle, some moving up and down as they go, and think 'I can do that'. But when you get to the front of the line you discover you are in the line for the roller coaster and you have no choice now but to get on. It's wild! It climbs up and you don't know what's after the top of each hill---will it be a curve, a steep drop, a gentle slope? It has crazy twists and turns and you can't see what's coming next. It's totally unpredictable. As you climb yet another hill, you look down at the people that riding the carousel, and they are looking up at you and saying 'Wow, I could never do that!'

As a fan of safe, predictable rides I found this very appropriate. You think you're prepared for parenthood, you see other parents and know to expect some learning curves as you go along. But then you realize that nothing about parenting this child is "normal". And if any rules about raising children have an exception, then your child is it. There are some things that are the same. All children bring love and joy, as well as pain and sorrow. They all need the love as well as the God-given authority of their parents. There are other similarities as well. But nothing is as you expected it to be when you 'signed up' to be a parent.

At the risk of creating a very long post, I want to include some excerpts from an article I read recently. It was written by a Christian man about a year ago titled "Cancer's Unexpected Blessings". I am not comparing cancer to autism. It is just good encouragement for anyone who is suffering in any way. I'll include a link at the bottom.

". . .we shouldn't spend too much time trying to answer the why questions: Why me? Why must people suffer? Why can't someone else get sick? We can't answer such things, and the questions themselves often are designed more to express our anguish than to solicit an answer."
". . . we can open our eyes and hearts. God relishes surprise. We want lives of simple, predictable ease—smooth, even trails as far as the eye can see—but God likes to go off-road. He provokes us with twists and turns. He places us in predicaments that seem to defy our endurance and comprehension—and yet don't. By his love and grace, we persevere. The challenges that make our hearts leap and stomachs churn invariably strengthen our faith and grant measures of wisdom and joy we would not experience otherwise."
"There's nothing wilder than a life of humble virtue—for it is through selflessness and service that God wrings from our bodies and spirits the most we ever could give, the most we ever could offer, and the most we ever could do."
"Through such trials, God bids us to choose: Do we believe, or do we not? Will we be bold enough to love, daring enough to serve, humble enough to submit, and strong enough to acknowledge our limitations? "
"What is man that Thou art mindful of him? We don't know much, but we know this: No matter where we are, no matter what we do, no matter how bleak or frightening our prospects, each and every one of us, each and every day, lies in the same safe and impregnable place—in the hollow of God's hand."

www.christianitytoday.com/ct/2007/july/25.30.html

Male-Female Communication

2008-07-01T08:32:00.002-05:00

Men and women think differently. We all know that. Which often leads to miscommunication and frustration. Especially when a husband and wife are trying to reach a decision together.

When a woman presents her reasoning for a decision or opinion, it often goes over a man's head (or in one ear and out the other). It's like she's speaking a foreign language. This is because his logical-processing mind isn't working the same way as hers. What makes this so ironic, is that he often would reach the same conclusion, but by a different, male, pathway of thinking.

So, I have found a very simple solution. Learn to argue like a male. If you can think logically (and most women can), then simply offer the reasoning that a man would understand. His eyes will be opened and decisions are made more quickly and smoothly. It also helps if you can "get inside" that man's mind and understand his particular way of thinking and reasoning. Then your argument can even more closely resemble something that makes sense to him.

Sadly, this doesn't usually work the other way around. It is much more difficult for a man to understand how a woman thinks. There may be exceptions, of course.

One thing a man can do, however, is learn to listen to a woman's reasoning; and then to understand that it is something important to her, even though to him it may have no importance or perhaps not even any bearing on the case whatsoever. Again, he may not understand why it is important to her, but he learns what is important to her. And that is very valuable indeed. Warning: it is rare to find a man that is willing and able to do this!

But I am lucky. Or perhaps blessed is a better word.

Why

2008-06-27T14:40:00.004-05:00

Why is it that when I have time to blog I can't think of anything interesting to say...but when I have a lot I want to blog about I have no time?

Wouldn't that be fun?

2008-06-27T14:38:00.000-05:00

euphuism • \YOO-fyuh-wiz-um\ • noun1 : an elegant Elizabethan literary style marked by excessive use of balance, antithesis, and alliteration and by frequent use of similes drawn from mythology and nature *2 : artificial elegance of language

Example sentence:Cora, given to euphuism, exclaimed, "Oh, glorious auroral orb!" and Paul agreed, "Yeah, nice sunrise."

Car conversation

2008-06-18T15:57:00.002-05:00

Sunday evening as we were driving home PJ pointed out a field with flowers in it. I said "It's a fallow field." That began a back and forth game that ended with this:

"The formerly fallow field is no longer full to overflowing with fantastic, fabulous flowers."

Dream Night at the Zoo

2008-06-07T16:03:00.000-05:00

That was one of the best zoo experiences we have had as a family.

It was a private party from 4 to 8p.m. for families of children with disabilities. It wasn't quite so warm because it was in the evening. The rides were free and both boys loved the carousel. Chick-fil-a provided a meal for everyone----yummy! It wasn't quite so crowded; and if your child had a meltdown no one was going to stare with that look of "what a spoiled brat!" or "what bad parents!". PJ5 actually looked at and noticed some of the animals (he hasn't always done so in the past).

We also got a bag of "goodies" as we left---free stuff from sponsors and some local resource information. I could see a brown fuzzy animal in the bag and thought "Oh, cute...a bear or something." But I pulled it out and it was a stuffed plush dinosaur---a triceratops to be exact. It is pretty cute, but not what I expected. PJ5 has never shown any interest in dinosaurs before (at least not that I have seen). But I showed him the dinosaur and he took it and gave a big smile and then kissed it right on its smiling mouth! Two or three times, actually. He really likes it.

NB enjoyed everything, but I think his favorite thing was the carousel. We rode it twice and after the second time he got off and squatted down and tried to spin it by pushing with his hand. (For those who aren't familiar with this carousel, it is rather large, so his efforts were fruitless, but amusing.)

Autism walk

2008-06-06T22:11:00.000-05:00

We are participating in the Autism Walk in Oklahoma City tomorrow morning. I found some "stories" on the website where we registered, and I wanted to share what one mom said. I'll include a link so you can read other stories if you want. This one is from "My Two Little Miracles" (about halfway down the page).

"I still spend many nights and days crying for what might have been, but I now know this will not help them, so I fight. I fight so that my boys will lead good, happy lives. I fight so that every parent of an autistic child will know that we must never give up on these precious children. I will walk so that the people who may stare and speak harsh words when our chidren cry will understand what heroes really are. Heroes are these little human beings that struggle every day to do the simple things. I will walk so that Autism will become a thing of the past, so that more research can be done to help my little angels, and the little angles yet to enter this world that may be touched by autism. I will walk because this villan, Autism, does not know it's most fierce warrior is a mother. I will walk because this is a war I will wage until I close my eyes, and because those two little boys are the air that I breath."

http://www.walknowforautism.org/site/apps/nl/newsletter2.asp?c=jeIKLMOnGjF&b=3620101

And now I will head for bed, because we have to be downtown in the morning by 9:30.

P.S. I must admit that I still cry, even though it does them no good.

IFBC Camp

2008-06-02T22:11:00.003-05:00

We're going.
We're not going.
Okay, we're going.
Well, maybe not.

I wish we could figure this out! Actually, it depends on whether PJ can get that time off. So until we find out, we're not going....maybe....we don't know.